While clearing away

Writing a post because I felt that I should. That sort of means that I don't exactly know what I'm going to talk about...
That's dangerous because I may take to talking haphazardly about several things thus leading to an extremely long post. But I'll try my best to avoid that.

I've just started to seriously clear my room out- starting out with all things paper-related. Anyone who knows me or my family will know that things get quite dangerously out of control with paper. So moving out is a great opportunity to really de-clutter and also reminds you not to accumulate too much in the first place!

Got to one of the drawers and found about 4 maps of Grenoble. It reminded me of the day that I got given about 2 or 3 maps in one day- I must really have looked terribly lost! I only asked for directions once that day too! But it's also one of those days that makes you smile; at least people are willing to help and share. The man working in the butcher's whom I asked for directions for a specific Post Office not only tried to explain the directions, he drew out a small map on my notepad for me, marking 'landmarks' and then generously popped out the map of the city for me- almost like a little gift. I was touched-- and then I went on my way to find that Post Office, get my letter and I've visited it a few times since...

It's really quite hot here today. According to the Internet it's about 36°C here and when I open the window, it gets hotter... Not used to that. People at home keep telling me how it's between 13-15°C with a chill in the air. I fear it will take me some time to get used to the cold. I used to be hard as nails in Grenoble, coming from the North of England. When the locals complained it was cold here I just shrugged it off remembering how much worse it could be. I think only 3 days of cold genuinely beat what I was used to.

I've not properly started saying goodbye to people yet. I've warned them that I'm leaving but it seems so surreal that I don't feel like I want to/ can bring myself to leave yet. I might just be denying it. I might just not have the hard reality of it hit me yet- I'm almost going away for a holiday to see my family, except I won't be coming back here...

I am looking forward to eating my Mum's good food again- especially since this last month I've been eating very basic foods and not buying too many new, different ingredients because I don't want things to go to waste with the move. The less I have, the less I have to throw away/ pack. That also means that I am eating like a real, broke student who makes the most out of couscous and some spices with cherry tomatoes (LOVE cherry tomatoes...).

OK, I somehow thought I would write this blog and progress with clearing things up but clearly things don't work like that. I need to get moving again. I will write soon insha' Allah since a few little things have come to mind. In the meantime I will continue to listen to Youtube while trying to clean this place up a little more!

In thinking about returning home

It's nearly time for me to pack my bags and go home. While I have a few weeks and I'm a last-minute packer, it doesn't feel that close (yet) but I realise I've got to start tying things up here. While I get emotionally and mentally ready to leave France, I find the bigger task is to prepare myself to go back home.

So I've started to try to engage my 'roots' so that I can truly be the better person I've felt in me with those at home. You know, that freshness, that openness, that positivity, that tolerance and ease that are kind of the only ways you can make things around you pleasant- in foreign or familiar environments.

I've been thinking about who I am in respect to those around me and realise that I have probably not been the ideal daughter, nor the ideal sister. I realise that these people have rights over me that, perhaps, I've ignored. They deserve better from me but alhamdulillah I can now see where and how I can resolve (at least some of) those shortcomings on my part.

I was given the following poem to read by Khalil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html

It made me think about the nature of our families. It made me think about our responsibilities towards our future and our past, towards our children as well as our parents. From goodness comes goodness and we hope to just increase the goodness through this chain. 

As the dynamics between parents and children change, as they do in all relationships, I pray that children return the love and respect of their parents while parents make it easier for the children to do this by not sowing resentment in their hearts.