Beginning of Ramadhan 2013-1434 AH

We've already completed the first week (ten days even) of Ramadhan and it's flown by!
I'm quite devastated because the immense blessings really are here for a fleeting moment before we are back to the 'regular' blessings and mercies of daily life. I feel like I'm not making the most of it as I should and I want to pick things up a bit before it's too late!

The month has come by when I've just come back to my family after 6 months and hunger isn't the issue in these 18-19 hour fasts, it's patience and an awkward, very broken sleeping pattern. It's great being back with the family since we're all together for the summer holidays before we're back off again into our little worlds. We get to share some beautiful moments of laughter and create some great memories as we're all growing intellectually, spiritually and physically.

However, you also realise why you are how you are with your family sometimes. They're such a blessing and yet represent your internal struggle so clearly that often you find yourself trying to get away from it. My mind has been overcome with all the different things I've been confronted with. Of course I've got family members including my extended family, who I'm reacting to and seeing differently, while remembering to put myself into other people's shoes. Also I've got to try to manage my own time so that I'm available to help around the house, do my work and reading, spend time with my family and friends and fit in my prayers, which include moments of calm and reflection. They are all very hard to accommodate within a day and I often compromise on my own work and some moments of calm- since I'm too tired and disoriented from the chaotic, lively life of living in a family.

Since life is about achieving a balance between all domains in life, the physical world and one's spirituality, I realise that I'm facing a battle of extremes where the physical dominates to an extent where I cannot comprehend and absorb the spiritual very well. I then, to compensate, push myself to the other extreme, in an attempt to revive my spirits and often lose touch with what's going on with the world and other people, almost disconnecting myself. I need to learn how to manage the two simultaneously, just as I need to learn to spend time with my family and share in household tasks without neglecting my responsibilities towards my work commitments.

Back at home

I made it home safe and sound. My Mum, brother, aunty and cousin came to pick me up by car so we spent quite a lot of time together on the way back. It took us about 12 and a half hours to get to my aunty's house and then we left yesterday to head up North.

Already I'm trying to get into the swing of things without them overwhelming me. It took me a few months to get used to the slower pace of life in France but here, I feel here everything is always on the go and there's so much more stress. I'm trying my best just to keep a calmer attitude so that things run more smoothly but I feel a sense of urgency all the time, a sense of impatience. I'm already feeling mentally exhausted trying to understand and manage it all while keeping my sanity and own sense of judgement. What I mean by that is that if you 'go with the flow' without ever evaluating your own part in the big picture, you may accidentally forget that you're accountable for each act and intention. I guess it's the whole idea of actively living and not living passively- but living actively without going insane. In some ways it's about being disciplined amongst all the chaos.

At the same time, meeting family again- cousins, aunties, siblings and parents- is quite interesting. I feel like I'm looking onto the dynamics between people in a slightly different way, obviously since I'm comparing it to other dynamics I've been exposed to. Relationships are rather quite complex things sometimes. A fine balance of understanding and giving back.

Obviously it's raining here and it's forecast to rain for about a week. Thankfully it's not bitterly cold. However, while trying to clear my wardrobe out to fit all my clothes in (I've managed to fill 4 black bags) I find that part of the reason I don't have enough space is because of the winter we have, and then the nicer weather. Cardigans and sweaters take up a lot of space! I have clothes for the extreme cold, warm days, hot days, weddings and parties, painting... and the fact that I just have too many clothes.

I will continue my blog while at home because I'm still learning and discovering so much and I'll be looking at the culture here in a different way too.

While clearing away

Writing a post because I felt that I should. That sort of means that I don't exactly know what I'm going to talk about...
That's dangerous because I may take to talking haphazardly about several things thus leading to an extremely long post. But I'll try my best to avoid that.

I've just started to seriously clear my room out- starting out with all things paper-related. Anyone who knows me or my family will know that things get quite dangerously out of control with paper. So moving out is a great opportunity to really de-clutter and also reminds you not to accumulate too much in the first place!

Got to one of the drawers and found about 4 maps of Grenoble. It reminded me of the day that I got given about 2 or 3 maps in one day- I must really have looked terribly lost! I only asked for directions once that day too! But it's also one of those days that makes you smile; at least people are willing to help and share. The man working in the butcher's whom I asked for directions for a specific Post Office not only tried to explain the directions, he drew out a small map on my notepad for me, marking 'landmarks' and then generously popped out the map of the city for me- almost like a little gift. I was touched-- and then I went on my way to find that Post Office, get my letter and I've visited it a few times since...

It's really quite hot here today. According to the Internet it's about 36°C here and when I open the window, it gets hotter... Not used to that. People at home keep telling me how it's between 13-15°C with a chill in the air. I fear it will take me some time to get used to the cold. I used to be hard as nails in Grenoble, coming from the North of England. When the locals complained it was cold here I just shrugged it off remembering how much worse it could be. I think only 3 days of cold genuinely beat what I was used to.

I've not properly started saying goodbye to people yet. I've warned them that I'm leaving but it seems so surreal that I don't feel like I want to/ can bring myself to leave yet. I might just be denying it. I might just not have the hard reality of it hit me yet- I'm almost going away for a holiday to see my family, except I won't be coming back here...

I am looking forward to eating my Mum's good food again- especially since this last month I've been eating very basic foods and not buying too many new, different ingredients because I don't want things to go to waste with the move. The less I have, the less I have to throw away/ pack. That also means that I am eating like a real, broke student who makes the most out of couscous and some spices with cherry tomatoes (LOVE cherry tomatoes...).

OK, I somehow thought I would write this blog and progress with clearing things up but clearly things don't work like that. I need to get moving again. I will write soon insha' Allah since a few little things have come to mind. In the meantime I will continue to listen to Youtube while trying to clean this place up a little more!

In thinking about returning home

It's nearly time for me to pack my bags and go home. While I have a few weeks and I'm a last-minute packer, it doesn't feel that close (yet) but I realise I've got to start tying things up here. While I get emotionally and mentally ready to leave France, I find the bigger task is to prepare myself to go back home.

So I've started to try to engage my 'roots' so that I can truly be the better person I've felt in me with those at home. You know, that freshness, that openness, that positivity, that tolerance and ease that are kind of the only ways you can make things around you pleasant- in foreign or familiar environments.

I've been thinking about who I am in respect to those around me and realise that I have probably not been the ideal daughter, nor the ideal sister. I realise that these people have rights over me that, perhaps, I've ignored. They deserve better from me but alhamdulillah I can now see where and how I can resolve (at least some of) those shortcomings on my part.

I was given the following poem to read by Khalil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html

It made me think about the nature of our families. It made me think about our responsibilities towards our future and our past, towards our children as well as our parents. From goodness comes goodness and we hope to just increase the goodness through this chain. 

As the dynamics between parents and children change, as they do in all relationships, I pray that children return the love and respect of their parents while parents make it easier for the children to do this by not sowing resentment in their hearts. 

Tears...

And when your heart trembles, it wants to cry and you're not really sure why. You cry. You try to let it all out- not really knowing what 'it' is. You don't know if you're crying with grief or with happiness. You're overwhelmed with the Majesty of God, or perhaps your heart is in pain, feeling a proximity and therefore the true extent of the severance we have inflicted upon ourselves. It hurts and you want to let it out.

A couple of teary days here in France. Started to write the above yesterday, after I'd been terribly moved... by the beauty of God and of human relations: the human heart, the strength and softness...

I was blessed to go to see a newborn and his mother and I was moved in a way that I've never been moved before. I've been to visit plenty of newborns in hospitals and at home but this time was special. I felt something completely different. I can't describe what it was because I don't know what it was. All I know is that to really express the myself all I could say was "Subhan' Allah", otherwise silenced.
Then I read a message from a friend and it, combined with my visit, brought me to tears.

May God bless, open and purify our hearts so that we can truly feel and experience the strength of human affection in all its forms.

Today, I was supposed to go into Uni to be given an exam time (individual presentations) and be told which text I will be dealing with. Thanks to the 'wonderful' French admin system, me and two others, I must add, were fortunate to find out that our exam was no longer on Friday, but this very afternoon. I had 40 mins to prepare for an exam and my book was at home- and I'd just woken up this afternoon to come in for 10 mins since I'd fallen asleep at 5.30am.

Rushed back to my flat (via a bus ride of 15 mins), ran to my flat, grabbed what I needed, ran back to see when the next bus was coming- 7 minutes- too long. It started to rain. Went to the tram stop and had to run to catch it on time- missed the connecting tram and nearly cried in the middle of the street because I was late for my exam! Worst nightmare for me- to be late- for an exam- that I didn't know about until less than an hour ago! My day was ruined. I just wanted to cry, too shocked to believe this just happened. It was too unreal to be true! Got there 15 mins late and did the whole analysis and presentation under the influence of adrenaline alone. Couldn't keep track of time and went over but my examiner was impressed nonetheless and I wished I could've talked for much longer because I had so much more I wanted to say!

Thought I would just come home and cry, too traumatised and upset to do anything else but as soon as I walked outside the exam I felt relieved, refreshed, happy and shocked that I just survived that disaster! Treated to myself to something from the local boulangerie on the way home obviously (as if I need an excuse) and will just wait until the next time my eyes well up...

Ahh to speak another language...

I realise there's not much time left for me here in France. I'll be leaving in just over a month and as everyone insisted before I left home that 'it'll fly by', I can vouch for the fact that you have to get up and leave just as you're settling in. I'm finally feeling like this place is somewhere I can manoeuvre without feeling completely out of my waters. That means I have to quickly do everything I can in my new 'comfort zone' to make the most of it.

Part of that is to carry on speaking French!

Since lectures finished I haven't engaged with French as much and I've already mentioned how prevalent English is, and how easy it is to slip into it with others.

I realise, by speaking more French, that you have to search for new ways to express yourself with the expressions available in the foreign language- because the ones you're used to don't always translate over. So it's like building another personality for yourself- trying to stay as true to yourself as possible, there's a new dimension to you.

I've been going through a mini-crisis with the French because I feel like I'll never be fluent and that it'll never all 'come naturally' like English does. I won't be able to play with the language in the same way, with the same ease. I know I've improved slightly since I've got here- I understand things better, I've learnt new expressions, I speak more but at the same time, I still have days/ interactions when I get stuck for words, unable to construct a simple sentence or ask a question. I still need to use my dictionary when having 'proper' conversations (thank God for my phone!) and I still make lots of silly mistakes that, once I've verbalised the phrase, I realise where I went wrong. And obviously all the mistakes I don't even know about must be lurking about in there somewhere.

You could say it's a matter of confidence, but I'm started to realise that it's more a matter of humility. Speaking a foreign language with those who are natives, those who are better at it than you is something that forces you to accept your inferiority. Regardless of whether you are more intelligent, wiser, have a better insight/ perspective on life, whatever it is that you excel at, if you can't express yourself effectively you've got to start from the bottom up.

It destroys your ego. It destroys your pride and arrogance. You are exposed and people will and do judge you. It's this 'destruction' and attempt to reconstruct yourself that links quite beautifully over to the new 'personality' you develop in a new language.

I wanted to give up French, losing hope and all... but then realised the force and the difficulty of destroying one's ego is liberating. I want to kill the unjustified elements of pride, arrogance and whatever else it may be in my own soul and for that I will have to continue to struggle, continue to speak French with natives and continue to make mistakes. I want to be fluent because it'll make me a better person. What I do with the language afterwards remains to be seen and doesn't really matter.

And it's in God's Mercy that your evident 'vulnerability' will open doors to people's appreciation of your attempts to express yourself. It always helps!

Yummy cake!

I was in the middle of doing some work (plodding along with an assignment at an appallingly slow rate) and got too tired to concentrate. Obviously that's my cue to have a nap, which I did. Waking up 3 hours later (I was hoping to have a 1 hour nap) I started working again, about half an hour in I realised that I must make a cake.

I had to make it because:
1) I've been craving cakes/ pastries for some days
2) That way I won't go to the local 'boulangerie' too often
3) I found an interesting recipe online that I wanted to try
4) My flatmate made a cake yesterday and I stopped myself from eating some of it
5) I now had the energy to make it.

So I made the cake. It was a recipe that substituted the butter for oil; this trick saved me going to the shops to buy butter, and to use up some extra oil I had about. Gosh! I must be the laziest person I know.

Anyway, the result was absolutely amazing. The cake is soft, yummy and very quick and easy to make. The only (quite big) problem was that it's so soft that when taking it out of the mould, some of it broke apart, which I obviously tried to put back together. But when I tried to re-flip it so it would be the right way up, I realised that I might just end up with a big pile of crumbs, so I left it. It was so soft that when I was checking if it was cooked, I saw that the top was cooked but very bouncy so assumed the inside was still all batter but it wasn't! I was actually surprised that a cake could be that bouncy.

Apparently the thing with oil cakes is that they don't solidify like butter cakes (as you can imagine why) so my cake will stay this soft for as long as it's not been eaten by me :)...

I followed this recipe:

http://acookatheart.blogspot.fr/2011/03/simple-vanilla-cake-using-oil.html

and just halved it.

Anyway, I was rather fascinated by this cake so I had to write about it; this is what happens when work is going slowly and you haven't left the flat in 3 days...

Not exactly a moment of deep reflection about our relationship with food, but food-related nonetheless. I ought to find something else to speak about...

Relationships

A strong and positive relationship with God will result in a strong and positive relationship with all those around you, be they friends, family or complete strangers.

Therefore we must always be honest with ourselves about our relationship with God. It is the only way we can truly start to improve it and thereby improve our relations with others. In actively doing this, a relationship will never go 'stale'; it will always be developing alongside your relationship with God.

Quick! Catch Up!

I have so much to catch up on. Not been very good with this blog. I think I just don't have anything meaningful to share. Well I'll give you a few brief snippets of what I've been up to and pop a few pictures in along the way. If an inspiring thought comes to mind, I'll share it, if not, make what you will of it.

I visited Annecy with some international students. It was nice. I think I would go again. It's got a rather famous and beautiful lake and we had a nice walk around the city centre. It's a small city and yet cute and touristic. Apparently a very expensive place to live though. I did a little bit of shopping there too.

I don't know what the building in the middle of the river actually is, but it's cool :). 

The second picture is of the lake. It's a bit misty but you'll see a water feature on the right to the trees. The water is incredibly clear; you can see right down to the bottom! It was beautiful and would put the Thames to shame!

In preparation for a little dhikr/ dawah workshop/ gathering, a few of us (me and 2 others) ended up practising some qasidahs to just sing on the evening. Met up at one of the girls' flat on the Wednesday to just get us a little organised (know what we've got to sing, get the tune going and what we need to fix). It was quite hard because I'd never heard the qasidahs before so I was learning the words and the tune completely from scratch- and the event was on Friday night- and I had a test on Friday morning! I managed though and I was pretty impressed with myself.
   On the Friday afternoon we went back to her flat to bake some cakes for the event too. I made a very successful chocolate fondant cake (I was just given the recipe and followed it). Had a lovely couple of afternoons and the evening was lovely, although not many people came but we all had a nice time together. The view from her flat's living room was pretty impressive.

Although it looks quite grey here, it was a beautiful day but it did rain later on. I loved the view because of the three layers; the city buildings, the green hills (that were covered in snow not that long ago) and the snowy mountains.

The next day, a few friends had organised a rather French 'repas du fromage' for lunch, just to give us a taste of the regional cheeses. Although they did go easy on me and all the cheeses were tolerably mild and creamy. Maybe next time they'll turn it up a notch? Anyway, I survived that one! Then we went out for ice cream (and it was super-yummy!).

So I visited a cute little village in the mountains just outside of Grenoble called Saint-Hilaire. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day and although the intention was to visit a lady I knew and meet up with  her daughter (whose flat we made cakes at) for a bit of dhikr, her daughter couldn't make it so we went round for a little stroll around the village instead.

A popular pastime is a little parachuting from about April until October. During the winter people come to the village to ski too. 

OK, so a little bit of a stream but look how clean and clear the water is! It's remarkable! I keep seeing clean water around and it's refreshing to know that it still exits. I can't remember seeing really clean water like this at home...

In between this, I've had a few exams. They were alright.We will see how the results are. Got one big one left and got to do some assignments. However, I have no more lectures! I was supposed to be doing some more work on one of the assignments and then I realised that it was imperative that I update my blog... :)

It was a lovely day yesterday (weather-wise) so I wanted to go for a walk. Ended up visiting a deer farm for a short walk and it was really nice. Got to feed two of them with some leaves too but one got more than the other because he wouldn't share. It was so peaceful and calm there. Took a couple of pics of the two- though there was a whole field of them.

This is the big, greedy deer (or should I say stag?) who kept munching the leaves. He even followed us after when we'd 'finished' so we found some more to give him. 

This is the little deer who would have liked to have been fed some more but got chased away by the bigger male. 

Also, a quick note for my Mum here. I made a real curry yesterday. By real, I mean that I spent 1 hour carefully browning the onions so that they wouldn't burn and had got to the right colour and texture in order to make the base sauce for my curry. To be fair, it did turn out really well and tasted like a curry should (on the spicier side of course) so it was rewarding. Whether it was 'worth it' and whether I would choose to do it often is another matter.

I do need to do another blog post on my thoughts on our relationship with food. I few interesting things have come to mind and I've eaten some yummy things while I feel like I'm 'learning more about the world' (yes, dramatic I know) through food encounters. But that's too deep for the moment- I'm sleepy thinking about the work I should be doing...
- I will organise my thoughts and get back to you.

I will try to add things more regularly now.

Musée des beaux arts

So I visited Lyon a couple of weeks ago and we briefly popped into the Musée des Beaux Arts. I didn't really get to see as many paintings as I would have liked because we were short for time, but there are some gems in there. I liked this one because it reminded me so much of what our states ought to be.

Sorry the quality isn't great (my phone's camera isn't amazing). I don't recall who painted this but it's on the second floor of the gallery in the 15th-19th century collection for the record and maybe if I get the chance to go again, I'll note it down.

Anyway, painters aside, I sat looking at the painting for some time, quite disturbed at first that there were angels under the feet of Mary- almost being treaded on- looking rather squashed. I also found it rather interesting that many paintings of Mary in this time period were without her head covered in the nun-like fashion we're used to seeing in churches. But back to the angels being stood on: I looked closely at the rest of the painting to see that the cloud-like composition was in fact many more angels surrounding Mary, so they were representing the celestial realms or at least the Omnipresence of the Divine for it then appeared more sensible that these angels were 'beneath' Mary when I looked more at her positioning- not in the Christian narrative as the mother of God but physically in the painting.

So Mary is evidently looking heavenwards, with the light behind her indicating the Divinity she is seeking and looking towards. Her arms are open, and most importantly, receptive. They are receptive to the Divine, to knowledge of Him and her bosom is open to receiving the Light of Faith. She is opening herself up like a vessel ready to contain the Divine Truths and Secrets. She is wrapped in the blue garment of Truth and of course with the red/ pink it de-genders her because she represents both man and woman. Now as a person who is open and receptive to God and His Truth, I realised why angels were surrounding her and especially beneath her. For when we open our hearts up to God and truly seek Him, God, in His Infinite Power, elevates our status, and our rank in this world to take us closer to Him in the spiritual realms. The whole of the universe, in His Power, comes together to elevate us and take us closer to Him (hence the angels taking Mary upwards), presuming we seek Him and want Him,  because by doing this we are finding our original states again, returning to Him.

And if you want to add another dimension to the human-angel positioning, we just need to recall the concept that humans, when they are purified and submit completely, transcend the level of the angels because humans have desires that the angels do not have to fight against.

But ultimately, we need to be Mary and God will take us to Him.

Munchies!

I'm going so barmy that I've started talking to myself and therefore thought I'd rant out on the blog- that's what it's there for, right?

I'm munching wayyy too much these days. I don't know why and I need to stop! I've just been to the shop and bought goats' cheese, tomatoes, spinach and bread... Of that list, only bread was on my original list. I'm losing control over myself and although I am going to make something yummy with it shortly, I can only thank God for fasting! It's the only way I'll stop!

However, my culinary experiment shall be fun... since I am hoping to turn bread into toast without a toaster. The Google community really supported me and showed me that others are suffering the same fate; but we can make toast on a frying pan (with butter on either side apparently) or dry, or put the bread in the oven. I'm scared of using ovens that I don't 'know' so I'll avoid that option unless the frying pan option fails miserably. I think it's good for my sense of innovation in the kitchen, but not good for my soul.

Eating even when I'm not hungry is always dangerous. I keep munching on the bag of raisins in my room- the last 500g packet lasted me a month- this one will not make it to that noble standard. I bought dried figs too with the hope to keep my diet "healthy"- I even resisted the pains aux chocolats in the shop! My general moto in terms of 'healthy lifestyle' is to eat as much as you will use in physical activities. I do very little and therefore need to eat very little... This extra food literally has me wanting to go for a run (for which I am too unfit!).

Let tomorrow come and bring peace in fasting- and a stronger sense of discipline! I have a beautiful week ahead where I can try to focus!

Trip to town

Yes, I've visited the city centre before now but today I learnt a few new things. On the way there, on the bus, I saw an advert at a bus stop.

It made me think- nothing profound I'm afraid- but a thought nonetheless. It's roughly translates into 'For the (mid) afternoon hunger', basically the afternoon 'elevenses' / post-school munchies but what came to mind was- since when was a Kinder Bueno filling? Since when did it hit that spot of hunger? It tastes lovely, no doubt, but if I was peckish, I would much rather go for a Snickers bar or a Twix for they're relatively filling. I think they need to realise the Kinder Bueno is purely a pleasurable chocolate to eat- there's no other justification or excuse. For the record, in the white strip at the bottom there is the standard health advice to exercise regularly and maintain a healthy lifestyle etc. 

Alright, so I was in a bookshop and, by chance, I ended up in the religious books section. Taking a little browse around the bookshelves, 'La Bible' and Jewish texts were easily visible and after taking a closer look for something Islamic, I found that it was on the bottom shelf- quite hidden. Rather symbolic positioning if you ask me, since it is one of the largest religions in the world, it wasn't given near as much space or attention. Being a foreigner (I quite like the excuse) I sat myself on the floor before this small collection, looking at the French translations of the likes of Irshad Manji to Imam Al Ghazali and Rumi. One of the books I found was called something like 'These Great Minds against Islam'. A passage under the section of Charles de Gaulle seemed to ring true to what's still happening in France, regardless of the 'Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite':

Apologies for the blurriness of the photos. 

Very rough translation (i.e. please don't shoot me if I make a mistake/ it sounds off in English):

It's very good that there are yellow, black and brown French people. They show that France is open to all races and that she [France] has a universal calling. But, under the condition that they remain a small minority. If not, France would no longer be France. We are, before anything, a European people of a white race, of a Greek and Latin culture and Christian religion. [...] Are you going to see the Muslims? Have you seen them with their turbans and robes [abayas]? you can see clearly that they are not French. Those who advocate integration have an intellect of a hummingbird, even if they are very wise/ intelligent. Trying to mix oil and vinegar; shake the bottle; suddenly they'll separate once again. Arabs are Arabs, the French are French. Do you believe that the French body can absorb ten million Muslims, who tomorrow will be twenty million and thereafter forty? If we were to integrate, if all the Arabs and the Algerian Berbers/ Arabs were to be considered French, how will you stop them from coming to settle in the Metropole [France] while the standard of life there/ here is significantly higher. My village would no longer be called 'Colombey-The-Two-Churches' but 'Colombey-The-Two-Mosques'. 

Too tired to translate the second part, but nonetheless, we can get the idea that France loves being the 'pays d'acceuil' (welcoming country) but perhaps it doesn't make the best host. I was told by a lady that once, because she was fasting, her work colleague became rather hostile and aggressive. I feel like France is often either hypocritical in its values or simply a little schizophrenic. 

That book cost 18€ so it was a little dear for me... And I guess it means the wealthier of French society will have the benefit of engaging in this level of critical thinking. That is, if they can find the book hidden on the bottom shelf of the rather hidden religious books section. 

Good times

Long time no speak.
I've been not-that-busy but just not really felt like writing anything in some time.

I'll just give some short, interesting snippets of things I've come across.

Some weeks ago I was at a friend's place with an expectant couple and so, baby names came up in the conversation. While discussing this, and cultural factors (meanings, discrimination, pronunciation by the French, Africans, potential of it being used/ seeming like a swear/ pejorative term) it came about that someone had suggested that everyone in the country ought to choose their names by the calendar. I was going with the flow of the conversation until that point. I let it continue and then just asked, 'calendrier?" and of course I was met with.. "oui, a calendar" at which point I was like, 'what's the connection between names and a calendar?'. And then I was shown a French Calendar. Every day of the year has by its side a name, of a Catholic Saint, and although how it's used to name children has varied over time- people (can) use it- and you also have the day of the saint after whom you're named as a second birthday almost.
I was fascinated- so much so, my friend let me keep the calendar... :)

I was at another friend's house over the weekend for the afternoon and she was making a yoghurt cake. I feel rather out of touch with the culinary world because... I am and because I've never come across that in my life. So she went ahead and carried on making the cake, adding whatever she wanted to along the way. She planned to add some orange juice and remembered at the end that she hadn't. Opening the fridge she saw she didn't have any, and so, without a second thought, she took out the lemon Fanta and poured that generously into the mixture. Evidently, I was a little shocked and couldn't stop laughing. And then I reminded her she had oranges in her fruit bowl and could've squeezed one of them- so she took the advice on board and added that too... We had to add flour to balance the mixture again but with the cranberries, cinnamon, fanta, yoghurt and all.... I was a little worried about the end result.
Alhamdulillah it turned out to be a rather good, moist and well-risen cake. It had a nice taste, but I couldn't tell you what it tasted of. It was good and that's all that mattered.

French-wise... I feel like my brain is too tired to learn/ use more of the language. I need to wake-up again just to start being more in French mode. It's such a big push just to consistently speak in French without using English words. I've got a presentation this afternoon- in French- so I'll see how that goes!

Also, my internet at the flat is playing up again. I think it's my laptop because I've Googled the problem and it seems to be common amongst people of my "laptop community". Insha' Allah it'll be resolved soon.

Anyway, I'd better do some work...
A bientot!

First days at university

University has finally started this week and it all seems rather surreal. They make classes for international students slightly easier, so I'm glad about that. We've got a two-week trial period where we can swap modules/ classes; there's one that I will have to double-check whether I made the right choice or not. I found signing up for classes was a very traditional affair: there was a board with a list of the modules and times, and then behind us there were corresponding booklets to which you added your name (and then turned up to the relevant lecture). None of this online business.

   I'm meeting more international students, which is always nice because you've got people to talk to about all the strange French cultural things you've come across- or even learn about their cultural tendencies, but a shame because we often speak English amongst ourselves. I was hoping to find some Muslims to mingle with but there aren't that many on campus... and they're not all that open to new faces. I might get a salaam out of them at the most. I guess we're like that in the UK too. We just get on with our own thing and don't really acknowledge the others around us much. Maybe I need to make more effort? Probably... I obviously want to meet Muslims because then I might be able to get involved in some "ISoc"-related stuff- and that way won't feel like a loser rejecting all the trips to the local bars. I managed to go to a German girl's flat last weekend for dinner. It was really nice because there were a few of us girls and we cooked, ate and chatted away... The only shame was that I had to leave at about 8.30pm (ish) because it was a Sunday and my tram ends at about 9pm. It's strange getting used to the early transport hours and lack of taxis (there are taxis here but they're too expensive to use casually). Students being students have learnt to use the tram/ bus timings to their advantage. Instead, they choose to be out the house for 12am and they party all night until the trams start again in the morning (apparently at around 5am). Rather ingenious I thought...

   Ok, so it's Rabi-al-Awwal and in Grenoble the 12th is tomorrow (Thursday) insha' Allah. In celebration for the lovely occasion, I'm going to venture into the kitchen to make Gulab Jamun to share with my flatmates. I'll only offer them if they turn out ok though (because it's the first time I'm making them alone). On my shopping trip around my local area, I found that it's rather difficult to find self-raising flour here. They don't have flour with the raising agent already added, except for some bread flours, but that's not what I was looking for. Anyway I purchased my flour and raising agent separately and then had to hunt down some milk powder, or lait en poudre. I need to open the one I bought and check if it'll do the job. However, it is rather easy to find couscous here...

   And a little incident that happened yesterday... My first lecture was at 9.30am in Amphi 5 (lecture theatre 5) and the following one at 10.30am in Amphi 3. I waited outside the second lecture theatre amongst all the other students, trying to see if I recognise anyone from previous sessions but couldn't really find a familiar face. Once the lecturer arrived and we trooped in and got my stuff out. The lecturer then said something in French to do with theatre... and I was supposed to be in a translation class. Two girls walked out and I thought I'd wait it out a little before I did the same. He started handing out leaflets about performance arts and I'd seen a few others (including one 'international' face I'd recognised) walking in and out of the lecture theatre so it was time to grab all my luggage and get the people on my row to get up so I could leave while the lecturer continued his French mumbling. The rooms had been changed and the students weren't informed (lack of communication in admin) so all of us turned up a little late and lost. Slightly embarrassing! The real lecture was a lot more fun than what those theatre kids were going through.

Note to British students: Be glad to have a 9am start. Here, uni can start as early as 8.30am (my Wednesday timetable) and there's a possibility for lectures to last until 7.30pm. I would much prefer a 'full day' in Britain than in Grenoble! Thankfully my timetable is relatively empty.

Snow

 I woke up on Tuesday to this view. I poked my head out of the window to get a similar view to one of my earlier pictures. As you can tell, the mountains have disappeared behind the snow clouds. It was in fact still snowing when the picture was taken.

While waiting at the tram stop, I saw a yellow man. He was shovelling away the snow from selected pedestrian routes. A few moments later I saw another man with a bucket and a hand shovel spreading salt where necessary/ where the snow had been removed. Manual labour but the job was getting done. The snow wasn't even that deep. I think Britain needs to learn a little from these guys!

This picture was taken the day after the snow. It was on my way home from uni and obviously the two men couldn't clear ALL pedestrian routes so I had to tentatively walk down this and beyond to get back home. Alhamdulillah I managed safely. It was all rather slippery though. 

What Makes a Curry a Curry?

I didn't expect to write another post so soon because nothing spectacular has really happened; but then I was inspired- in the kitchen of all places. I have a big question, hence why it made it as my 'Post Title'. The question comes from my latest adventures in la cuisine, where of course- as many of you will already know- I'm not the happiest.

So I want some serious input (comments) on this one because I need to know whether I can still call my cooking a curry. I may be an outcast to the 'Indian Curry Purists' (if they exist) and I may be attacked vehemently by the Sabzi Bid'a (innovation) Police because I've been cooking up some not-so-conventional curries.

This is my second go in the kitchen (yes, my last dish lasted me 7 days thanks to eating out on Saturday) and both of my "curries" have been somewhat different. The last one, I started with the best of intentions. Onions, ginger, garlic, spices- all went in as did my vegetables. That's where the first innovation came in... I used potatoes, carrots and... a pepper (capsicum). After that, I got a little carried away with the tomato puree/ sauce and so it was a rather rich orangey-red colour. Orange of course because there was the haldi (turmeric) at play. It tasted alright, I didn't fall ill and I now think spices get stronger the longer you leave the food...

Today I nearly went shopping for groceries but then laziness got the better of me. So, because I have no food left over, I had to cook again. I opted for couscous so I thought I would make a simple vegetable curry sauce to go with it. Looking in my fridge I only had 1 pepper (but only half was useable) and some small carrots. I started with the oil, added some cumin and other random whole spices to 'season' the oil... and then the haldi, red chilli powder, water, and the carrots. As that was all simmering away, I realised I missed the onions. I was ready to find that I wouldn't have the best 'gravy' for my vegetables. Anyway, everything went in and was cooking away- added tomato puree/ sauce again to give my curry some depth and it smelt curry-like but probably wouldn't pass as a meal anywhere. I have ended up with a really watery, orangey substance with random carrots and peppers floating about. It tastes alright though. Insha' Allah this too will last a few days and I won't fall ill from it.

I don't think I can host any guests with curries of that standard though, nor can I be the exotic Indian in the kitchen for my flatmates- because to be fair, I'm probably not setting the best example. Perhaps I should stick to old school classics like potatoes and chick peas, or shall I carry on innovating and let my pantry tell me how to cook??

On the Road to University

The past few days haven't been all that exciting. I have just had to discuss things with my two universities concerning modules and other formalities. The people at the university seem to be really helpful and friendly which is always nice and I will be starting my 'Semaine d'Accueil' this week (it's a Welcome Week). I get to feel like a first year as an international student! It's going to be interesting. Insha' Allah I'll get to meet loads more people from all over the world (because we have some timetabled tours together).

Also, I think I have found my favourite road sign in France. I never thought I would have a favourite one of those but I just love it! It's not just this one of course, I smile at each one I see on my not-very-far travels.

The mountain and clouds were accidental features in the picture, which I noticed after I took the photo, but I think they add a nice touch. 

Also, yesterday I went to a Muslim couple's house (invited by a friend) and as they were discussing the treatment of Muslims in France I was shocked to learn how difficult and intolerant/ ignorant people can be with simple matters that really don't affect them, like someone fasting. It made Britain seem like a safe haven and I started to love home a little bit more for it. Prayer rooms are very difficult to procure and any mention of things of that sort can have serious after-effects on your working life i.e. rapport between colleagues etc. I will have to see how things fare out in this regard because so far I feel like I've been given a pretty good welcome from Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

Refreshed!

I haven't really been in touch with family and friends much over the last few days because my Internet has been down. It just stopped working and then started to work again just as quickly as if left me! Only God knows what happened to it but it was a good thing- as all things are in their own little way. I managed to have some 'bonding time' with one of my flatmates who happens to be studying Computer Science. He couldn't fix it but I learnt that he too dislikes Macs- like many of the other computer scientists.

After getting my French railcard equivalent I felt quite refreshed and since, I think I'm just going to take this whole language thing as a little game- do your best but enjoy it. People will figure things out eventually and I can always copy other people without points getting deducted!

Got lots of paperwork and other formalities to do with getting ready for uni- and I've already been told about a test I've got to take. It's always scary to hear about assignments/ tests- especially when you've been out of education for a little while! Insha' Allah it'll be ok though.

When I was internet-less I started thinking about some of the things I used to do at home and took out a pen and paper; felt like I should revive a few of my mehndi (henna) vibes so hope you like my not-so-creative attempt to be creative again...

Bastille

Today I visited the Bastille, one of the forts in France. It's supposed to be a big tourist attraction. I took the cable cart up there, though I didn't take any pictures when I was inside it (sorry!). It was rather quiet (apparently) maybe because it's a cloudy day. Took some random pictures. Grenoble isn't very pretty as a city- just lots of buildings. What makes it special are the mountains. Got some pics of the sun shining on the city. 

The beautiful snowy mountains! 

The non-snowy mountains:

Having to practise my French more and more (obviously); I seriously need to revise the future/ conditional/ imperfect tenses because the 'exceptions' are confusing me when I'm trying to explain something. As are all the reflexive verbs! 

This one's for Mum

Ok, so I haven't been doing very much these days so I thought it was about time I fully delve into domestic life. I told my Mum I would be thinking of her when a big moment in my life comes: when I do the laundry alone. I know I should know these things already, and I kind of already do but every washing machine is slightly different. Look at the one I've been given:

So just to make my mum proud and to prove that I did it (successfully) these are the pics: 

While I waited, I decided to have a cup of coffee and toast. Except the toaster doesn't work and I think it'd be too much effort to switch the oven's grill on for just two pieces of bread. So instead I substituted the toast for a croissant.

This one is for my little sister; she'll know why...

Don't worry, I won't make it a habit to put up pictures of my laundry. And something a little prettier, hope you like the view from my window- though I have to peek my head outside and look left for this-at Maghrib.  

It's a bit more purple in real life, I guess the camera couldn't pick up all of the colours.

A step back in time... with the Internet

In Britain I'd come to terms with the fact that I probably couldn't have functioned very well if I were to be transported back a couple of decades, or even if I had to resort to 'old school' methods to get a job done. I'm not designed for all that. We are pretty snug in our current lifestyle and I simply assumed that France had made all the same steps forward into the modern world as we have. It's not to say that France is a third world nation or anything, but I've noticed small differences that make France seem a little more traditional and conservative than the whole laïcité parade had let us come to believe.

I feel like in France there are small reminders of what things used to be like with added modern refinements. Of course we all have access to the Internet and electricity etc. but the windows aren't all double-glazed so all the noise outside sounds almost as if it's inside. Lots of buildings have toilets that are separated, with the sink and the shower in a different room. The shops close at 7.30pm at the latest here and you're lucky if you find many open on Sundays. The church bells ring almost every hour and a little extra for Christmas/ Sunday mass. Although they can be slightly inconvenient, the shop opening times, for example, tell you to just go home and relax, maybe go make a cup of tea or have a meal with your family and friends but stay indoors. In that way, it's a sort of family-orientated weekly routine and something that Britain must've had before I can remember. It also keeps you a bit more organised because you can't pop into the shop as and when you please, and even shopping keeps you on your toes because many supermarkets charge for carrier bags so you've got to go prepared with your own every time you venture out!

Just a little reminder of the perks of living in Britain and maybe of all the things we lost along the way.

New Beginnings

The apparent holiday is over. I am in a new apartment, in a new country just in time for the New Year.  Lots of special moments have built up to this rather mundane 1st January: mainly they've all been in the last 10 days. 
While I am realising how much more I need to practice my spoken French, I seem to be reassured that my comprehension and literacy level so far have allowed me to:
1) E-mail and text native French people in order to inquire about/ move in to accommodation
2) Figure out the tram system (even though a non-French speaker could do that)
3) Get a French SIM card with a tariff that suits me
4) Shop halal (I can read ingredients)
5) Purchase and set up a French printer- including the wireless connection
6) Correct a bus ticket error, since I was sold bus tickets to the wrong airport

Of course my French has failed me as well. When the tram decided to stop and we were instructed to get off at the next stop, I wasn't quite sure what we were expected to do. So, like any foreigner, we copied what everyone else was doing and ended up jumping on the bus that was replacing the tram. When the bus stopped on its journey and gave new instructions I had to go to the find out whether we would have to get off too or could stay on. In all the rush I went to the front of the bus where others were gathered and just asked, 'What's happening?!'. Of course everyone looked at me with a blank face so I tried to translate it, and the girl who chose to respond to me may as well have been talking in Chinese at the speed she was going. Thankfully a guy asked me in English 'where are you going?' and I told him the name of the stop so he confirmed we could stay on the bus. Chaos! 

Although it is a new start in some ways, some things will never change. I (accidentally) overslept until the afternoon, and started a domestic day in the flat. Domestic = cooked food that will hopefully last me a week. I will slowly learn how to cook once and eat it for maybe 1.5 weeks if possible. Wish me luck! :) 
All this time alone in my flat- my flatmates are away for the holidays- has given me time to settle into my own little routine and to think. Wordsworth's short poem 'We are Seven' came to mind. 

A SIMPLE Child, That lightly draws its breath, And feels its life in every limb, What should it know of death? I met a little cottage Girl: She was eight years old, she said; Her hair was thick with many a curl That clustered round her head. She had a rustic, woodland air, And she was wildly clad: 10 Her eyes were fair, and very fair; --Her beauty made me glad. "Sisters and brothers, little Maid, How many may you be?" "How many? Seven in all," she said And wondering looked at me. "And where are they? I pray you tell." She answered, "Seven are we; And two of us at Conway dwell, And two are gone to sea. 20 "Two of us in the church-yard lie, My sister and my brother; And, in the church-yard cottage, I Dwell near them with my mother." "You say that two at Conway dwell, And two are gone to sea, Yet ye are seven!--I pray you tell, Sweet Maid, how this may be." Then did the little Maid reply, "Seven boys and girls are we; 30 Two of us in the church-yard lie, Beneath the church-yard tree." "You run about, my little Maid, Your limbs they are alive; If two are in the church-yard laid, Then ye are only five." "Their graves are green, they may be seen," The little Maid replied, "Twelve steps or more from my mother's door, And they are side by side. 40 "My stockings there I often knit, My kerchief there I hem; And there upon the ground I sit, And sing a song to them. "And often after sunset, Sir, When it is light and fair, I take my little porringer, And eat my supper there. "The first that died was sister Jane; In bed she moaning lay, 50 Till God released her of her pain; And then she went away. "So in the church-yard she was laid; And, when the grass was dry, Together round her grave we played, My brother John and I. "And when the ground was white with snow, And I could run and slide, My brother John was forced to go, And he lies by her side." 60 "How many are you, then," said I, "If they two are in heaven?" Quick was the little Maid's reply, "O Master! we are seven." "But they are dead; those two are dead! Their spirits are in heaven!" 'Twas throwing words away; for still The little Maid would have her will, And said, "Nay, we are seven!" 1798.

When I first read this poem, it made me cry and yet I don't know why. The beauty and the lessons the young girl can teach the adult in this poem are endless, one of which is that there are no boundaries between you and those you hold dear to you. Ultimately, they will be dear regardless of the distance, state or time. Love binds us closer that any rope could for the Prophet (pbuh) reminded us that, "Everyone will be with those whom he loves.". May we all learn to love Him and His Beloved.