Perking up

After suffering from the blues a bit, I perked up in the following few days, motivated to live life again and pressing on with whatever I could do. The sun was shining and I cleaned my flat to help clear my mind a bit before setting back to work, and tried to make the most of my final days alone. I got a lovely, and unexpected call from my mother-in-law to check how I was doing, since I'm in the city alone. It was such a lovely gesture that naturally got me in a panic initially but touched me and made my day.

Then my husband broke the news that he might be staying back another week, which I thought would be a bit difficult for us, since it's the longest we've been apart since we got married. But then I thought, at least I'm in better spirits now and maybe that extra week will just give me more time to do my own things (and create half a mess in the flat for longer). Just last night he told me that he's coming home as planned, which suddenly seems not so far away, and I have a lot to do between then and now. He arrives tomorrow evening!

I have got into crazy online Youtube habits, where I began with watching make-up tutorials just for fun (because my selection of make-up isn't vast enough to cover very many styles) and now baking and cooking clips. It's nice to see the process but sadly I'm far too lazy to be bothered to make it myself, and I really have to be in the mood to motivate myself enough to get something indulgent done in the kitchen that takes more than 15 minutes. But still, I find it quite amazing how these videos of art and skill, both make-up and cooking, are so relaxing and therapeutic. And you always seem to learn a new tip or technique along the way. :)

OK I need to stop procrastinating and actually get on with my day.

Being alone and being lonely

After visiting home for a couple of weeks with my hubby (though he had to come back early) I came back to Munich to spend a week with him before he flew off to America for work- for two weeks. Now, me being who I am, I generally don't mind being left alone; I often quite like it. In Grenoble I spent days in my room/ flat without leaving, once even up to 6 and a half days - mainly because I had assignments to do and there was no food shortage so I didn't have reason to go out. Of course Skype and other social media like Whatsapp can be very useful in these moments when people need to contact you and you clearly have no intention of leaving the building (or they're just too far).

However it's been a week since my other half has been gone and while I was quite happy to get on with my own plans and routine for much of the beginning, a couple of days ago I had a sort of emotional crash. I was progressing with a task I had been putting off for months and I thought I was so near completion that when I thought I had finished the majority chunk, I saw that in fact no, I had still quite a lot left. It deflated me and I felt I couldn't possibly finish. To calm down from my panic and just distract myself I went out to the shops for some grocery shopping and then came back to prepare for my English classes.

Friday came and I had my first proper bit of human contact since the last class, since I hadn't really spoken much to anyone since except a few minutes on Skype here and there with a friend or my husband. The conversations were fleeting and of not much importance. I started to re-evaluate my relationship with being alone, because usually I appreciated being alone in contexts where I would still be able to navigate and communicate relatively easily once I went back into "the real world", having had my moment of escape.

Now, while I am pretty used to my environment, the area and the tubes I realise that my outside experience is greatly altered by the simple fact that if someone were to come and speak to me, it would disorient me immensely, especially as I have to shamefacedly just reply with,"English?" A lot of people here do speak English and a German neighbour was surprised that I even considered wanting to learn German since I could function perfectly well without it. But my German learning hasn't really been coming along very well and even to be spontaneously available in any language takes a lot of learning, not just a few weeks of memorising set phrases.

I think of the irony, of seeming like the stereotypical Brit who doesn't bother to learn another language "because everyone else speaks English" or should anyway, when I spent years of my life learning French, only to accidentally land in Germany. I feel ashamed to ask people to speak in English for me but then I hardly have another choice while I'm still just learning odd nouns and phrases in German. I can't go out for a coffee without enduring that shameful scenario.

Moving to France wouldn't solve the problem because while I can speak and understand French, the culture is far less tolerant than in Germany. I feel so much more at home here than I did in France. I feel like people are more open and the supermarkets greatly reflect that, with the range of foods and especially the labelling. In France there's almost no such thing as a 'suitable for vegetarians' sign, whereas our German cousins are extremely tolerant of and accommodate different dietary requirements and choices. I guess you can't have everything...

The wedding

The winter may not have officially begun but the temperatures are starting to take a toll on me here in Munich. I'm rather startled by my discomfort in the cold considering I'm quite used to the cooler seasons from where I come from (the North of England) but apparently it's a matter of the "continental climate", something I have only recently been told about. Basically the cold is different here, and harsher, just like the sun in Britain's summers isn't quite the same as that in the Middle East I guess. A painful but necessary discovery.

Well it has been on my mind recently that I haven't quite completed the chronology of my life's events (basically the wedding) and so I thought I'd fulfil that obligation before I actually get back into blogging as I would like to.

The official wedding preparations began as soon as I graduated (or rather as soon as I'd had taken my last exam) and the journey was intense. Organising a wedding has no doubt many ups and downs and when you're trying to please both families, compromises need to be made. My Mum wanted a typically big wedding with perhaps 500+ people whereas my future in-laws were used to much smaller weddings, the type that take place in a living room with about 15 people or less. The compromise was at 200 and the arguments didn't end there. I'm sure everyone who has had a wedding in the house knows it's a shocking ordeal in the name of festivities, happiness and tradition but often when my brother said "this is what it's like for everyone; every house has these problems during a wedding" I responded that "I don't care if it happens to everyone. It doesn't make it acceptable or good practice. It should still be avoided!!"

I did my own henna on my left hand (the right hand in the pic)

The big day soon arrived and my (our) wedding was alhamdulillah one that was executed with lots of care and effort from my siblings and cousins. I slept about 3 hours because I had a bit of a tummy upset the night before, which kept me awake most of the night, and of course a million thoughts just running through my mind. Make-up started at about 6.30am and I was at the hall for about midday (an hour later than I had hoped but the ceremony was a few hours away.

The henna on the top of my hands, the one on the right done by me

Because of the nature of a South Asian nikkah, I was sat in a separate room, in which I would wait until the imam, my family and the witnesses came to conduct my part of the ceremony. Everyone, except two, left to partake in the groom's part of the ceremony in the main hall with all of the guests. It took a lot of waiting and I was eager for the ceremony to be conducted just so that I could get out into the hall and participate in the rest of the day and the events to come. Typically (and we had foreseen this so my temper was somewhat under control) we were running about an hour late because the groom's side arrived late- there was an emergency stop to a supermarket for nappies. This added to my anticipation in the room I was in but before I knew it, I was married and I had to walk in with my family to join my husband on stage.

As soon as we had taken our seats on stage, the imam kindly introduced my sister, and then my sister-in-law and then my brother to present their short speeches, which brought tears to my eyes and most heartwarming. I remember thinking "oh no! I've only just come out on stage, I can't have my make-up ruined straight away". Thankfully my cousin brought me a tissue and the damage was kept to a minimum. After the closing prayer we descended to cut the cake before the wedding breakfast. Just before dessert (though my husband ate some ice cream while standing before moving anywhere) we were whisked away by the photographer for some (rather embarrassing) photos.

The wedding cake was handmade by my dad's sister 

My Mum and her twin sister crocheted the turquoise (and blue) table centres

After several different picture settings my dad came to tell me that we were running even later than before
(as if I was wearing a watch) and we had to head in inside for some final pictures and I found that quite a lot of the guests were beginning to leave. I was rather upset about this because I really did want to walk amongst the guests to speak to my friends and family but unfortunately the timing didn't allow it! :((

The rukhsati was upon us before I knew it and after several hugs and sobs, we got into the black cab to take us to our hotel. My brother accompanied us, as it's the tradition for the brother to escort his sister to the in-law's house, and so we were on our way when the cab stopped and my brother came from the front of the car to sit before us in the back. He broke the news that my overnight bag, which was in the cab, had been stolen just minutes before the rukhsati and since my purse was in my bag, I had to call the bank to cancel my cards.

The famous British black cab 

Thanks to my family, the rest of the evening ran smoothly, even though it must have been chaotic for them to have had to rearrange another overnight bag for me and hosting the many guests at home at the "after party".