We've already completed the first week (ten days even) of Ramadhan and it's flown by!
I'm quite devastated because the immense blessings really are here for a fleeting moment before we are back to the 'regular' blessings and mercies of daily life. I feel like I'm not making the most of it as I should and I want to pick things up a bit before it's too late!
The month has come by when I've just come back to my family after 6 months and hunger isn't the issue in these 18-19 hour fasts, it's patience and an awkward, very broken sleeping pattern. It's great being back with the family since we're all together for the summer holidays before we're back off again into our little worlds. We get to share some beautiful moments of laughter and create some great memories as we're all growing intellectually, spiritually and physically.
However, you also realise why you are how you are with your family sometimes. They're such a blessing and yet represent your internal struggle so clearly that often you find yourself trying to get away from it. My mind has been overcome with all the different things I've been confronted with. Of course I've got family members including my extended family, who I'm reacting to and seeing differently, while remembering to put myself into other people's shoes. Also I've got to try to manage my own time so that I'm available to help around the house, do my work and reading, spend time with my family and friends and fit in my prayers, which include moments of calm and reflection. They are all very hard to accommodate within a day and I often compromise on my own work and some moments of calm- since I'm too tired and disoriented from the chaotic, lively life of living in a family.
Since life is about achieving a balance between all domains in life, the physical world and one's spirituality, I realise that I'm facing a battle of extremes where the physical dominates to an extent where I cannot comprehend and absorb the spiritual very well. I then, to compensate, push myself to the other extreme, in an attempt to revive my spirits and often lose touch with what's going on with the world and other people, almost disconnecting myself. I need to learn how to manage the two simultaneously, just as I need to learn to spend time with my family and share in household tasks without neglecting my responsibilities towards my work commitments.
Friday 19 July 2013
Tuesday 2 July 2013
Back at home
I made it home safe and sound. My Mum, brother, aunty and cousin came to pick me up by car so we spent quite a lot of time together on the way back. It took us about 12 and a half hours to get to my aunty's house and then we left yesterday to head up North.
Already I'm trying to get into the swing of things without them overwhelming me. It took me a few months to get used to the slower pace of life in France but here, I feel here everything is always on the go and there's so much more stress. I'm trying my best just to keep a calmer attitude so that things run more smoothly but I feel a sense of urgency all the time, a sense of impatience. I'm already feeling mentally exhausted trying to understand and manage it all while keeping my sanity and own sense of judgement. What I mean by that is that if you 'go with the flow' without ever evaluating your own part in the big picture, you may accidentally forget that you're accountable for each act and intention. I guess it's the whole idea of actively living and not living passively- but living actively without going insane. In some ways it's about being disciplined amongst all the chaos.
At the same time, meeting family again- cousins, aunties, siblings and parents- is quite interesting. I feel like I'm looking onto the dynamics between people in a slightly different way, obviously since I'm comparing it to other dynamics I've been exposed to. Relationships are rather quite complex things sometimes. A fine balance of understanding and giving back.
Obviously it's raining here and it's forecast to rain for about a week. Thankfully it's not bitterly cold. However, while trying to clear my wardrobe out to fit all my clothes in (I've managed to fill 4 black bags) I find that part of the reason I don't have enough space is because of the winter we have, and then the nicer weather. Cardigans and sweaters take up a lot of space! I have clothes for the extreme cold, warm days, hot days, weddings and parties, painting... and the fact that I just have too many clothes.
I will continue my blog while at home because I'm still learning and discovering so much and I'll be looking at the culture here in a different way too.
Already I'm trying to get into the swing of things without them overwhelming me. It took me a few months to get used to the slower pace of life in France but here, I feel here everything is always on the go and there's so much more stress. I'm trying my best just to keep a calmer attitude so that things run more smoothly but I feel a sense of urgency all the time, a sense of impatience. I'm already feeling mentally exhausted trying to understand and manage it all while keeping my sanity and own sense of judgement. What I mean by that is that if you 'go with the flow' without ever evaluating your own part in the big picture, you may accidentally forget that you're accountable for each act and intention. I guess it's the whole idea of actively living and not living passively- but living actively without going insane. In some ways it's about being disciplined amongst all the chaos.
At the same time, meeting family again- cousins, aunties, siblings and parents- is quite interesting. I feel like I'm looking onto the dynamics between people in a slightly different way, obviously since I'm comparing it to other dynamics I've been exposed to. Relationships are rather quite complex things sometimes. A fine balance of understanding and giving back.
Obviously it's raining here and it's forecast to rain for about a week. Thankfully it's not bitterly cold. However, while trying to clear my wardrobe out to fit all my clothes in (I've managed to fill 4 black bags) I find that part of the reason I don't have enough space is because of the winter we have, and then the nicer weather. Cardigans and sweaters take up a lot of space! I have clothes for the extreme cold, warm days, hot days, weddings and parties, painting... and the fact that I just have too many clothes.
I will continue my blog while at home because I'm still learning and discovering so much and I'll be looking at the culture here in a different way too.
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