I believe that was almost a week ago. Since then I'm fluctuating again with being able to deal with my sleeping "pattern". Yesterday was both successful but terribly saddening too. (Just a little warning that a rant is to follow).
Over the last few days I've been sleeping relatively late and then waking up late (around 11am), but in my head that's still my one chunk of sleep. I've known for a long time that I'm quite a nocturnal person and that it's easier for me to stay awake at night than to early wake up in the morning. This Lent promise is supposed to try to regulate this by not allowing me to be dependent on naps in the day to catch up for forced early rises, and making me go to bed earlier. The problem is that now I'm feeling quite frustrated and exasperated with the whole affair. I know I can probably continue until the end but I feel that a life without naps can be a genuine injustice!
Yesterday, I thought I would be good and consequently I had a great day in that I woke up at 6.30am (which is the equivalent of 4.30am for normal people) and stayed awake until well into the evening. I didn't even have any lectures. By the end of the day I was sad because I wasn't really very tired but I forced myself to go to bed hoping that I could continue the good habit for the next day and be productive before my 9am lecture. I woke up for 5.15am to pray and hoping to be alive enough to start my day at 5.30 but I got as far as praying and then went straight back to bed for my post-fajr nap. I wanted to wake up at 6.35 or thereabouts and even set an alarm. But I overslept to just after 8am and just about made it to my lecture on time.
The issue here is that we ought to be allowed to have a snooze when we are absolutely shattered and can't go on any further or when our brains need refreshing (whether that's 2 hours or 20 minutes) and then be allowed to carry on working or living. I'm quite flexible with my sleeping patterns and can work around lots of different emergencies and schedules, which I think is very important. I can be awake at 3am when someone needs to be taken to hospital but that doesn't mean you don't let me sleep when I do get the chance or when I feel I can't go on. I hate the idea of being forced to sleep at X time even if I'm not tired. It's a waste of everyone's time. I can easily be working and being productive in that time. Similarly I hate to be forced to stay awake when I'm really not going to be able to contribute or benefit meaningfully.
It's a bit like when in France, I was quite taken aback at how everyone stopped for lunch, and you either ate for lunch like everyone else or stayed idle. The concept of ensuring a break is taken in the day is great and refreshing but I was quite flustered at the beginning, thinking "but I'm not hungry and I don't want to eat right now- I want to get other things done but I can't because everyone else has stopped". Being allowed to take that break from life (work, family or otherwise) is essential but how you do it (eating, sleeping or going for a run) or when you do it shouldn't be dictated by others because it is genuinely not fair. Obviously I'm feeling sleepy and not refreshed at all today and that's partially because I'm not allowed to follow a natural pattern of rest and work. Most lifestyles don't permit it, which is horrific, but right now, my student life does and I'm not being allowed to partake in a normal cycle...
OK rant over.
Because my blog was looking rather bare without pictures: but every word holds true.
P.S. It's day 29 of Lent. 28 days without naps.
