Crime and Punishment (1866)

I unexpectedly finished Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment yesterday evening and so I thought I'd quickly post about it before I forget about it or just put it off forever. It was another Kindle edition translated by Constance Garnett, published by Xist Publishing, California.

So Anna Karenina and Crime and Punishment are sort of my first experiences of Russian literature and in their own way they are quite bleak but obviously exploring important social issues. I was somewhat glad that Dostoyevsky more or less jumped into the crime without much delay. I took a week or so off reading this novel in between because I was busy and because of or, perhaps, in spite of that, I found the novel to seem rather repetitive and long in the interval period of the crime taking place and main character's decision of what he will do with himself and his life now that the crime had been committed. This obviously is done on purpose to reflect the long, unending suffering and confusion of the character.

An important and central idea in the novel is that the crime itself is the punishment for the criminal, one that Raskolnikov touches upon in his article by suggesting that after a crime, often the criminal will fall ill, have a fever or experience some sort of delirium. The guilt of the crime and perhaps even paranoia can lead to mental, spiritual and physical illnesses. This same idea is expressed in Hamza Yusuf's commentary of his translation in Purification of the Heart. It is synonymous with Islamic spirituality that the spiritual heart can suffer from diseases, which are manifest in negative and sinful behaviour and certain behaviour can remedy or increase diseases too. Dostoyevsky explores guilt rather through psychology and redemption through confession, religion, as well as suffering.

While on the point of psychology, I found that the novel looks at the madness of living with sin or a crime that is caused by cognitive dissonance. The mental effects on a person are so strong that an option to find comfort somewhere is to find it in religion, as Sonia does.

Another central idea behind the crime itself was the idea of there being a small, elite group of people who are criminals of their time, because they transgress the limits of the society or context they're in, but in the next generation they are considered heroes. Dostoyevsky uses the examples of Napoleon and Muhammad (pbuh) in his novel. Arguably we could see the late Nelson Mandala in the same light, how he was imprisoned for 27 years and now he is a hero to the world. This brings up issues on Absolute Truth, and Absolute right and wrong versus the concepts we live with today of everything being relative, and therefore truth is always relative and consequently laws will always only be relative. Absolute Truth means that certain things will remain true regardless of the place, time or location and while many things may be relative and dependent on the context and situation, there will always be constant undying, unchanging truths that underpin laws and society. For example, intentionally killing an innocent person is and always will be wrong. This is an example of something someone could take as an absolute truth. Now the relative, situational aspects come in when the killing is unintentional (manslaughter) or justified through the person being guilty of a serious crime (i.e. murder)- with the latter example only being allowed through the state laws and after having gone through valid legal proceedings etc. The same applies to virtue too, for example racism in all forms is unjust and unacceptable, if we consider this an Absolute Truth, then people who defend this in contexts where this is not the case, will be seen as criminals until the world sees it is superior to the relative perception used by a certain government for example.

Dostoyevsky also explores crime as a choice, one that may be selected due to desperation or even frustration. We see this in the character Sonia who chooses to commit crime to feed her family, while Raskolnikov is rather frustrated with himself and commits the crime to try to prove something to himself. Both chose the crime and suffer according to their reason for it.

We also see how committing a crime is not necessarily only a punishment for the criminal but also those who are close to him or her, through a sense of betrayal they are punished as well as a double punishment for the criminal himself or herself.

Overall, I found it a worthwhile read with important themes of justice, power, poverty and virtue.

Anna Karenina (1877)

I've decided that I need to seriously start reading again and get through more classics. I loved reading at university and sometimes the time restraint made me feel like I couldn't enjoy a book and I was just reading it like a machine. So I've taken it upon myself to pick up from where I left off. I hope to be able to add some thoughts about my reading along the way to get some ideas out there, even if it's stating the obvious in some cases.

I've recently finished reading Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. No doubt it's a well-written piece; it's not a classic for no reason.

Firstly, I've read the HarperPerennial Classics kindle edition and I can't seem to find out who translated it unfortunately.

Right from the get go, the novel plunged into a domestic crisis, which consequently introduced some of the key characters. Some of the key themes include infidelity, loyalty, love, romance, family, religion, politics, war, importance of character, Russian agriculture versus European agriculture as well as social class structures and more.

For me, being someone who often has a tendency to go on about women's rights and the rest of it, it really made me ask some questions not only to myself but generally, since I may well answer certain questions with my own worldview in mind, but would not necessarily be getting genuine answers from "the everyday person" who doesn't share my worldview or beliefs.

Some points that I felt were raised:

- Is a woman's infidelity of greater consequence and gravity than a man's infidelity?
- Is infidelity pardonable?
- Does forgiveness for infidelity often lie in whether there are children or not?
- How does society punish infidelity? Is it punished equally between sexes?
- Why is it considered more of a taboo for a wife to leave her husband after he has cheated than the husband to leave the wife? Is this even the case?
- Is it a woman's beauty that leads to this corruption in society?
- Is compassion and mercy expected more from women because of the gendered attribute?

The novel is beautifully crafted in that it describes the mental processes of core characters so well, putting it against a backdrop of how they are perceived in society and consequently making the reader judge them through the hypocrisies, inconsistencies and consistencies, as well as their reactions to uncomfortable situations. The development of Russia as a state is no doubt always present and it's equally interested in life in the country and in tune with nature as that of life in the city full of corruption. The search for truth is present largely through the character of Levin and the debate of religion versus reason is one of his great inner struggles.

Having just watched the 2012 film adaptation a couple of days ago to celebrate having wifi and having finished the novel, I felt the detail dedicated to Levin's search and struggles was unfortunately not as close to the novel itself but there were indications of it and ultimately film has its own restrictions as a medium of art, and thus I feel that it wasn't a bad adaptation. It kept quite closely to the storyline, omitting parts due to time and perhaps other factors in film production. I wasn't quite happy with the actor chosen for Vronsky but that's just a matter of personal preference and imagination.

I'm currently reading Crime and Punishment and I'm looking forward to blogging about that one soon!

Monday Mayhem

I need to rant out today's events because I'm feeling a little flustered.

Over the last few weeks I haven't been able to actively keep on top of the housework. Even the "everyday" things of just doing the dishes in the morning were delegated to my other half since I had a cast on my wrist and was told by the doctor to rest it. Along with that, I bumped my head twice which has caused a handicapping stiff neck, which does go away for some hours or some days, but comes back very unpredictably and sometimes with the smallest of tasks or jerks. This has made lifting and turning my head more difficult, and even bending down (to clean or take off my shoes etc.) and while I'm in the process of getting it looked at, it's been six weeks where I've kind of had to just take it easy. Obviously on days where I have less pain, I will make an effort to do some basics.

Now with this scenario in mind, we have recently accepted an offer for a flat and are supposed to be moving in a couple of weeks. The unexpected new flat and the need to terminate our current contract has meant that we're now looking for tenants to replace us. We've slowly started to make a start on packing our own things into boxes and I've got suitcases out to fill and this is the state the house is in when we're getting people visiting the flat. For the first two people I don't think we'd hoovered in like 2 weeks (I swept the floors quickly to hide the damage) and otherwise we've had more clutter around than usual. Obviously this is just typical when I've spent all year round, every day keeping on top of the little bits of clutter and when I'm sitting around like an old lady, everyone in the world decides to visit and sees how we live in chaos!

Now that wasn't even today. Today was the icing on the cake. I woke up this morning to pray and then eventually went back to bed because I was shattered. I had quite a few things in mind to do which I wanted to wake up early for, so that I could take my time and do them all without being in a stress. Now the first thing that threw me off was that this morning I wanted to check my whatsapp but that version had expired and so I was forced to update it. I usually don't update when I know I have low memory on my phone. Anyway, I updated it but it wouldn't open because... surprise surprise, I didn't have enough memory. So I began deleting what I could off my phone.

I fell asleep and was so shattered that I woke up at 11am. I needed to shower, eat, dry my hair, get ready to leave for my appointment all in 2 hours. Do-able but still a little rushed. After I had showered, I sat in my jogging bottoms and bathrobe trying to delete a bit more off my phone when 5 mins later someone rings the doorbell. It's midday, I'm not dressed, I'm hungry, the bed is not made and the living room looks a mess because the sofa isn't set properly. Anyway, I quickly get dressed and then answer the door, seeing the landlady and the potential new tenant at the door. They request to come in, since the landlady wanted to see what the flat looked like (a quick snoop to see what state it's in) and I'm obviously embarrassed but have no option. I let them in and she seems unfazed by the mess in the living room and sees that clearly we have lots of boxes and suitcases in the hallway. On entering the kitchen I see that the dishes haven't been done (since I am now capable of doing them) and so the kitchen looked less than ideal, but thankfully there was no big "mess" in there. Then they went to the bathroom, which I'd just showered in. And while the landlady seemed not to mind, I died a small death when I realised that I'd left my bras hanging to dry, quite on display. I knew they were dry and was going to put them away once I got dressed but then life happened and the doorbell rang first. I reassured myself by just thinking "at least it's just two ladies here and no guys!"

Soon after the landlady left and then just the tenant-to-be stayed behind to translate what just happened between them (since my German isn't really that good yet). We got speaking about some practicalities of moving out when I realised it was 12:50 and I needed to get to my appointment at 13.20! She left and I quickly dried my hair (sort of) and then got dressed, checked I had what I needed for the appointment and prayed before leaving the house. No time to eat!

I waited for the tram, which took it's time and so I ended up rushing to arrive on time and got there on the minute. Once I'd been checked in for my appointment, I was called into a separate room and told to take off all upper body clothing. and lie down on the bench which had a heated sort of clay on it. I was wrapped into this for 20 minutes and the lady told me in 20 minutes the physiotherapist, Mike, would come in and do some exercises with me. Being someone who covers myself when going outside, having a strange man seeing me pretty much topless and without my headscarf was pretty daunting. Then I was like, "OK, it's for medical purposes, it's going to be OK. But I'll feel awkward and out of place, but I need the help because I can't take the pain any more...". Then Mike eventually did come in and it was a woman!! Thank God, and she's called Maike, which makes all the difference.

I then came home and have tried to get through as many of the things on my list as possible as well as reactivate my whatsapp but it's going slowly. And I thought we had enough to eat today but just saw that there wasn't as much soup as I had thought! Another awkward situation to manage since my hubby is on his way... what a mad day!

First trip to the doctor's

Two days ago I went to the GP here in Munich after my wrist had been hurting and sore for about a year. I thought the problem would pass but nope, it was just getting more disruptive to everyday life. 

A few weeks before, I happened to have been in the UK visiting family and so visited the doctor over there who just gave me a pretty high dose of ibuprofen and some meds to protect my tummy from the anti-inflammatory medication. He said to take that for about a month and then we'd come back and see how it was and whether they'd need to take any bloods or do any further tests. 

I didn't start the medication straight away since the meds for the tummy contained gelatine and so weren't really halal. Plus I was a bit skeptical about taking such strong doses and strong medication when I still didn't know what the actual problem was. 

The GP in Munich told me that the dose prescribed from the doctor in the UK was normal but also referred me to a specialist to have a proper look at my wrist. 

The following day, so yesterday, I went to my appointment with the specialist and I was quite struck by all the differences to the UK healthcare system. While it's all privatised here, so you need a health insurance card to make all appointments, it seems a lot more efficient. The specialist saw me and listened to my problem, took an ultrasound scan straight away in his office, and then, because it was a long-term pain, sent me to get an X-ray done. I almost thought the X-ray was going to take place another day or even if it was the same day, the appointment to see him again would be much later, but in fact I sat outside in another waiting area for my X-ray, was called in and had that done and then soon was called back to see the doctor who told me what was wrong. He told me that I just needed to pick up a cast from one of the orthopaedic centres and to come back in two weeks to see how I progress. That whole process from seeing the doctor at the beginning to leaving the surgery was 1 hour. 

While it might seem long to someone who had to be at work for something that morning, the problem was more or less addressed all the way through in one session instead of several appointments. I also found that the ambience in the surgery was different, with people greeting the group of people already in the waiting room upon entering (something I learnt after I had not done it and saw others doing so after me!) and having a coat stand to allow patients to remove extra layers and feel a bit more relaxed, and providing glasses and a water station in the waiting room. 

It really got me thinking and comparing healthcare systems since I'd never been to the doctor's outside of the UK. I ended up asking lots of questions to my husband, asking about how things worked in France and I feel that there are so many things to learn in looking at the different systems. 

Unheard Voices: MWNUK Report

Recently my sister forwarded a link to the Muslim Women's Network UK report on a pilot study, published in 2013. While it seems dated, issues in the report don't seem to be being tackled by every day people in society or even being talked about even today.

Not until this report have I ever read anything so horrific and disturbing. The report includes 35 case studies of sexual grooming and exploitation in the UK amongst the Asian/ Muslim community. The report found that often girls were picked according to their vulnerability, which may be caused by several factors, and often the offenders are of the same ethnic background as the victims themselves. The ages "preferred" by the offenders were usually young teens, 13-16,  but there were also younger victims (as young as 9) and older ones (as old as 30). Schools were a significant location where grooming began and young boys were often involved in beginning the cycle of abuse before passing the girls on to older men. While this report focuses on a relatively small sample in the Asian/ Muslim community, it stresses that statistically, such abuse is committed more by White males on White females, despite media coverage that this is a crime committed largely by Asian men against White girls and women.

The shame and honour of the girl and her family was noted as a major factor relating to not pressing charges against the perpetrators, even after the abuse had ended, as well as the girls' own family and friends not believing her, or re-victimising her by insisting that it was her fault and perhaps forcing her into a marriage in order to cover the matter without tackling the root of the problem or searching for the criminals. An interesting observation was also the involvement of other females encouraging or ignoring the offenders' behaviour, and not defending the women.

A shocking case was of a young teenage girl being abused by her own father, brother and uncle, normally considered guardians of the family and the women of the family, and on one occasion her grandmother entered the room to witness the father raping his own daughter, and she simply told the girl not to say anything to anyone because of the shame it would bring on the family: absolutely vile behaviour and mentality.

In another case there was a group of young girls and boys who went to a park and only one girl amongst them was raped by all the boys, with no protest by the other girls.

The extent of such abuse is under recorded and under reported. But the cases that already have been exposed are already too extreme, sinister and disgusting that it would make the blood of any reasonable person boil. A young woman of around 20 years old was being abused in a house by several men, who would call their friends and family to "join in the fun", an ordeal which supposedly lasted around 6 hours. A man even called his 15-year-old son in his school uniform to come and practice on the girl. Here, it is evident that there is a whole community involved that is keeping an enormous and sick secret. A problem we're facing is that no one is vocalising their suspicions about strange relationships and behaviour and even if certain behaviour is recognised to exist, it is not condemned or punished. It is just overlooked.

The case studies were so shocking that I haven't yet had the courage to read them all because I was so disturbed and disgusted. No doubt the pain and trauma of the girls is thousands of times worse, because the reality of these events happening in our own communities, on our doorsteps, on our streets, in our parks and schools, all these strange activities are being ignored or brushed under the carpet by everyday people but these girls live and experience the pain of the ugly side of the community alone, with no help or support. Consequently, male superiority complex is increased, and the next generation is taught once again that women are objects who need to obey male whims.

There is no racial or religious barrier when it comes to stupidity, idiocy or criminality. These criminals can come from all walks of life, of all social classes and racial and religious backgrounds. Often money and social status and reputation protect these offenders, and sometimes just the fact that they're males. Awareness in communities is vital in trying to protect vulnerable girls but also to alert women that they need to be active in condemning this crime because it is a disease in society, one that needs everyone's effort to wipe it out. We are all responsible for protecting vulnerable people in our families, schools, friend-groups and mosques.

A link to the report for those interested: http://www.mwnuk.co.uk/go_files/resources/UnheardVoices.pdf

You Are What You Eat

Having been married about 7 months now I've settled down somewhat into a new lifestyle, having had to make some changes and discoveries. While I'm still on that adventure of discovering new places, things and people here I'm quite comfortable and have got into a routine and have something of a regular structure, something essential to me.

For the time being I have been essentially a housewife. Funnily enough I've found that now that I'm sort of "managing the household" and take care of meals (at least on weekdays) and groceries, there is a huge online culture of sharing recipes and household tips (usually but not exclusively by women). The blogs and articles are endless and in the hope to feed children and the entire family wholesome meals, I've come across so many passionate people who are either fighting against processed foods, going organic, turning vegan, living grain-free, consuming organic cold-pressed coconut oil and a whole other array of dietary choices. It's good to know that there are people who are conscious about what they're eating, since often we see that it's not really the case in most families. It is important and no doubt the repercussions of what we eat can be life-changing.

On the other hand it is quite demanding to live in accordance to certain chosen lifestyles. Because Munich has such a wide selection of organic produce, often relatively cheap, we are starting to buy more organic foods but I do realise that many of these options, while they are well-intentioned, often come from a middle class who can afford to spend on certain luxuries (organic-only foods, vegan-only). It's definitely not easy to always find certain things with these restrictions in mind so it's tough for both parties I guess but it's often the people with less in their pockets who have to continue eating the genetically modified processed foods because I know that back in the UK I would rarely, never or accidentally purchase organic produce because it would be so much dearer for "the same thing"; I could get it for half the price.

While Germany has definitely put a lot of organic produce at affordable prices, having such a prominent organic agricultural industry, I feel that many countries are very much behind in this matter, despite the desperate voices screaming out for more support.

Tu viens d'où?

A few days ago I attended my friend's nikkah, Islamic wedding ceremony in the UK. I know this friend from university and, naturally, at the reception venue I was seated on a table with some of her other friends from her hometown. While these friends had so many things in common, sharing the same mutual friend, Muslims, similar ages, all female, parental origins in the Indian subcontinent being just some of them, a significant difference between them was whether they were Pakistani or Gujarati.

I noticed the night before that oftentimes there were also condescending references amongst the Gujaratis towards another caste of Gujuratis who also live in the same town. Now while all the friends got along well together and equally participated in the festivities there came a point where one of the girls asked me whether I was Pakistani or Gujarati. Referring to an earlier joke I replied that "I'm an alien". Not quite understanding what I meant I realised she required an explanation and so I proceeded to explain how I do not identify as either Gujurati or Pakistani since my family history is slightly more complicated, originating in the Indian subcontinent as my peers but with a migration to Africa affecting the culture for at least one generation of my family, on both sides. Still quite confused the same friend then decided to ask more about my husband's origins, to perhaps better understand our future children's potential ethnic identity, and so I went on to explain how he has a mixed ethnicity, French with an Indian influence from a grandparent with a Creole culture. Trying the failsafe method she inquired about my surname, which I told her (a rather common Muslim Asian surname) and then I told her my husband's surname upon request. She had never heard of it before and curiously wanted to know where that also came from. I said, "oh! Apparently that's Jewish!" Utterly shocked and in despair she gave up her attempt to find a simple one-word category to place us in.

I found it all rather amusing and by the end the other girls on the table were also laughing away. Often out of Britain I cannot even get away with saying British since I am not white, but Kenya, Uganda and India would instantly consider me a tourist. There's no doubt that your culture, ethnicity and nationality colour your experiences and perspectives of the world but we are in an ever-increasing world of hybrid cultures and mixed nationalities and ethnicities where it is not always possible to categorise someone's entire identity in one word since we have so many more influences in our lives. Despite this, I have heard of and seen some families try to encourage some sort of elitist protection of their family's caste and race to the extent that they "prohibit" their child from marrying outside of a certain, very-closed, circle where the wellbeing of the child is usually not on the agenda at all.

And sadly, we quietly let these things continue in our communities.