Tu viens d'où?

A few days ago I attended my friend's nikkah, Islamic wedding ceremony in the UK. I know this friend from university and, naturally, at the reception venue I was seated on a table with some of her other friends from her hometown. While these friends had so many things in common, sharing the same mutual friend, Muslims, similar ages, all female, parental origins in the Indian subcontinent being just some of them, a significant difference between them was whether they were Pakistani or Gujarati.

I noticed the night before that oftentimes there were also condescending references amongst the Gujaratis towards another caste of Gujuratis who also live in the same town. Now while all the friends got along well together and equally participated in the festivities there came a point where one of the girls asked me whether I was Pakistani or Gujarati. Referring to an earlier joke I replied that "I'm an alien". Not quite understanding what I meant I realised she required an explanation and so I proceeded to explain how I do not identify as either Gujurati or Pakistani since my family history is slightly more complicated, originating in the Indian subcontinent as my peers but with a migration to Africa affecting the culture for at least one generation of my family, on both sides. Still quite confused the same friend then decided to ask more about my husband's origins, to perhaps better understand our future children's potential ethnic identity, and so I went on to explain how he has a mixed ethnicity, French with an Indian influence from a grandparent with a Creole culture. Trying the failsafe method she inquired about my surname, which I told her (a rather common Muslim Asian surname) and then I told her my husband's surname upon request. She had never heard of it before and curiously wanted to know where that also came from. I said, "oh! Apparently that's Jewish!" Utterly shocked and in despair she gave up her attempt to find a simple one-word category to place us in.

I found it all rather amusing and by the end the other girls on the table were also laughing away. Often out of Britain I cannot even get away with saying British since I am not white, but Kenya, Uganda and India would instantly consider me a tourist. There's no doubt that your culture, ethnicity and nationality colour your experiences and perspectives of the world but we are in an ever-increasing world of hybrid cultures and mixed nationalities and ethnicities where it is not always possible to categorise someone's entire identity in one word since we have so many more influences in our lives. Despite this, I have heard of and seen some families try to encourage some sort of elitist protection of their family's caste and race to the extent that they "prohibit" their child from marrying outside of a certain, very-closed, circle where the wellbeing of the child is usually not on the agenda at all.

And sadly, we quietly let these things continue in our communities.