The Other Half of Happiness (2017)

It's snowing outside right now, despite the fact that we're supposed to be in Spring by now, being mid-April and all. So it's the perfect time to get down my thoughts on the sequel to Sofia Khan Is Not Obliged. I guess this novel makes it to the top of the list in terms of the most contemporary/ newest book I've read. So just to get the facts and figures out of the way, the novel is a generous 448 pages long and was published in 2017 by Zaffre, Again, I downloaded the Kindle edition, which was significantly cheaper than the hardcopy and some other e-book editions apparently. A thank you to whoever sorted that out!

While I loved the first book and was slightly scared that the sequel wouldn't be able to live up to the high standard, I have to say it wasn't a disappointment but rather an impressive feat. I wouldn't say this is better than Malik's first book, but rather she took advantage of the circumstances and changed the tone. That's not to say that this novel wasn't funny and relatable but it was generally a lot more serious and the tone reflected this. I felt there was a constant worry, threat or concern pervading the novel's plot line, and the "cause for concern" changes enough for the novel to remain dynamic and engaging. Sofia also has a lot on her plate and so she is under pressure, which allows her character to develop further and she can ask herself some serious questions.

What I love about both of Malik's novels are that they are so rich and full of brave and important issues. Some of the ones that come to mind for this novel include the challenges relating to interracial marriages and conversion, apostasy, homosexuality, adoption, separation, racism, culture conflicts, fundamentalism, white privilege, betrayal, heartbreak, resilience, forgiveness, sexism, misogyny, dealing with emotional baggage, sacrifice, challenges relating to major illness and parenting. These themes are linked to various characters and sometimes multiple characters at a time. The characters remain varied and authentic so I feel Malik does make the most of the community she has created by raising as many issues as she can that ought to be addressed in reality.

I don't want to spoil the novel for anyone who may want to read it because many of the events are probably better experienced by "first-hand" reading. But I must admit that I cried a lot in this novel, a lot more than in the first. I may have felt more personally involved in the novel since I am in a Muslim interracial marriage myself so it was quite interesting to see how Malik went about exploring this relationship. She captures the light-hearted humour as well as digs up some serious issues such as women facing a lack of respect by men in the Asian community generally and also a secret desire for people to see an interracial love marriage fail, or even a love marriage for that matter. They are slightly troubling attitudes in the Asian community but they definitely do exist.

I have to say that I wasn't happy with the ending but after some calm reflection, having cried so much during and after the novel, I realised that I wasn't happy with the ending because I would have acted differently. So this made me re-evaluate my character more and so it took me into a phase of introspection and reflection. I had to respect that Sofia was justified in making her decisions based on a different set of values and priorities to me, as everyone is different and we face and deal with challenges differently, and those differences ought to be respected.

To conclude my thoughts on the matter, I have to say it was an impressive and brave sequel with a lot of drama and emotion. It still makes me emotional thinking about certain scenes and turns of phrase in the novel. An important thing that this novel made me think about was the question of what can a person accept or forgive or live with, as well as the negatives to those thoughts. To each his own limits and strength of character. I hope to study these novels in a bit more detail in a post-colonial context because they are really quite fitting. Thank you and again, well done to Ayisha Malik!

Sofia Khan is Not Obliged (2015)

The 480-paged novel Sofia Khan Is Not Obliged was written by Ayisha Malik, a British Muslim woman and was published in 2015 by twenty7. I came across it as a suggestion by someone, perhaps @pardonmywritings, on Instagram. I downloaded and read the Kindle edition. The chapters are divided into months which are accompanied by headings. Each chapter then is subdivided by specific entry dates (and times) of the given month, as the novel is in the format of an informal personal journal/ diary. The events span from September 2011 to August 2012. 

Prior to reading the book I was rather sceptical and had low expectations because I doubted the quality of contemporary writing and perhaps even dreaded the representation of Muslims. I guess I've also read so many classics that I tend to grant them a higher status. In any case, I was not disappointed with this novel at all, rather it blew me away. It was such a pleasure to read and I have to say an amazing piece of work on so many levels, which I will outline briefly below. I read the book within a few days and it had me laughing out loud as well as crying real tears. 

I'd like to begin with Malik's characterisation of Sofia as well as in general. Sofia was immediately a character that felt normal and while I personally don't quite approve of bad language, I cannot deny that people swear, and Muslim women also swear. Sofia is a practicing Muslim (i.e. she tries to implement her faith in her daily life including praying her five daily prayers as well as wearing a headscarf). Yet she is flawed, she makes mistakes and she isn't the "ideal" or "perfect" Muslim woman either. Rather she is perfectly imperfect. She is still likeable and doesn't claim or pretend to be some saint though she tries her best to do what's best, as most Muslim women do in normal everyday life. Every Muslim woman (and man for that matter) has their own set of struggles and weaknesses but that doesn't mean that they're not Muslim nor less worthy of our respect. Sofia also smokes and I value this attribute because it is fairly taboo and frowned upon. Some Muslim women also smoke, albeit a bad habit it isn't reserved for men. Some of those Muslim women happen to wear a hijab. I identified with Malik's suggestion for us to try to be a little more forgiving and look at the human behind expectations. Malik beautifully captures Sofia's increasing frustration and grumpiness as the pressure around her augments. I found the characters in the book to be so real and raw. They are quirky in their own ways but they're real. For example the Pakistani parents, especially Sofia's, are rather typical in their way of being but they are still cute and funny. They're definitely not perfect, nor political correct, but Malik illustrates a vast array of different types of Muslims and personalities overall. There is a sense that everyone is just trying to do their best in their own way, just like in real life I guess. 

A little word on writing style before I discuss some of the themes raised in the novel. Malik's style is witty and humorous. It is also touching and the narrative voice is authentic. I found it interesting that she decided not to italicise the Punjabi words, practically adding them to the English language. Her style is also concise, and yet she is able to rapidly capture the awkwardness of a whole range of everyday (and not-so-everyday) situations. Her use of slang alongside the expectations of good standard English and correct grammar are not only realistic but reflect the fluid nature of language and what its use says about us. 

In terms of the themes in the novel, I have to say I found that Malik provided a rich variety of valuable material. Not only was she brave but she was brutally honest in raising so many of the issues that exist in the Muslim Asian community but aren't necessarily acknowledged or dealt with appropriately. This romantic comedy managed to raise these issues carefully, delicately and tastefully and despite the gravity of some of the matters, allowed one to laugh or at least take a moment to think about them. Just to name a few of the issues raised, we have racism, sexism, colourism, islamaphobia, culture conflicts, difficulties with in-laws, exoticism, polygamy, homosexuality, misunderstandings concerning religiosity and infertility amongst some of the main ones that struck me. However what I loved about this book was that it was perfectly honest about these issues and didn't hide them. I think it was my first time reading about a homosexual Muslim in fiction in a sympathetic fashion, and I felt Malik did well in this respect as I found the story touching and important to be acknowledged amongst the Muslim community. 

Overall, I have to say that I was thoroughly pleased with the novel and glad it exists. I want to thank Malik for taking the time out to write it and doing such a good job. I'm also quite eager to begin reading the sequel, The Other Half of Happiness. I wanted to write these thoughts up before reading the sequel, in case I become disillusioned or disappointed as to where the story is taken. I'm secretly sacred of being disappointed again but also have pretty high expectations now too. This first book in itself is definitely one that, in its own way, has given a pretty authentic illustration of desi Muslim matrimonial issues in Britain without feeling the need to create a protagonist that chooses to compromise core Islamic values or practices to be more "relatable". I finally felt it was a novel that wasn't whitewashed but rather of genuine struggles Muslims faced in white (western) societies. Definitely a book I'd recommend, especially to fellow young Muslim women. 

Wake in Winter (2014/ 2016)

Wake in Winter is a Russian novel initially published in 2014 in its original language and then in 2016 in English by AmazonCrossing. The novel was written by Nadezha Belenkaya and then translated by Andrea Gregovich. It's 368 pages long in my Kindle edition. This is Belenkaya's first novel, although she has written a variety of other shorter pieces of literature previously.

Before beginning the novel I naturally read the "About the Book" section, which is ultimately the blurb in digital format. I was thus prepared for a mysterious novel with rather threatening elements and almost a crime novel. That's not exactly what I got when I read the book itself. The novel is technically one single chapter, "These events actually happened", which is then divided into parts by diamond symbols.

The grim sense of foreboding and corruption is present from the very outset of the novel. At first the descriptive style felt superficial and forced but it improved soon enough and became a more natural read. Nina, the Russian Spanish-speaking doctoral student, is the central protagonist who embarks on a journey far removed from her academic bubble to that of independent international adoptions. Her interpreting jobs and especially her trips to Rogozhin are associated with risks and danger, underlined by the fact that the road itself is dangerous as it is accident prone. The risks go beyond this, in her approach to work where she ventures to bend and recreate some new rules. I was able to identify with the descriptions of the foreign language department in the university having already been part of a language department during my Bachelors degree.

Overall I found the characterisation in the novel to be good. Nina was relatable in many ways and appeared to be a fairly typical dreamy language student while clearly having her own marked, traits peculiar to her. She is well-developed and generally convincing. The dilemma of being interested in academia and research while not necessarily being financially successful is quite a real issue. Ksenia appears to be an opposing personality and yet her words and style are convincing and highly realistic. For me it wasn't very difficult to conjure up this sort of person in my mind as you can quickly identify her attitude, or at least elements of it, in a whole array of people that you may have come across. The background stories relating to the children up for adoption were particularly well-crafted and touching.

I found that in the majority of the novel Nina wasn't facing any real physical threat, which is what I was expecting, however she risks losing rather her integrity, her moral and ethical dignity and her surrounding relationships. The novel is more a story questioning the risks of the soul and more specifically evaluating the power of money and how it can affect even an 'unsuspecting', innocent soul. In some ways it reminded me of A Picture of Dorian Gray in terms of the development of a seedy character which is masked by the accumulation of wealth.

Belenkaya brings attention to the nature of literature and what is or can be credible. She also uses her novel to open up the discussion as to the role and nature of literature, where it may be a means to convey incredible depth and meaning or simply provide a fleeting experience that is quickly forgotten. Being the only contemporary Russian literature I have read and only having read a few of the classics, I feel I can only compare her to the greats, the likes of Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, who wrote immense works about the human soul, and I'm not quite sure Belenkaya has acquired that depth yet, although she shares some similar themes.

On several occasions we are forced to ask ourselves whether the situation described in the novel is true or not. For example the name of the chapter already wants us to believe the events were real, and a discussion between Nina and Dina brings up the idea of writing a story of these adoption events with the given chapter name. However the proposed name of the novel is different to the one we're reading and we're given a disclaimer at the beginning of the book, before the novel, noting that this piece is entirely fictional. Again this attempts to blur the line between fiction and reality and the desire to believe or not believe in certain events actually taking place.

My overall opinion of this novel improved with the case studies of certain children and the plot twist at the end. I feel they really did do the author credit and embellished the novel. I was disappointed because I was expecting something far more captivating and engaging but it was more of a slow read and not full of the drama (or as much drama) as I had expected. My disappointment was rooted rather in that it wasn't the type of story I was expecting, but on its own merit, it was a good first novel.

Dracula (1897)

I finished reading Bram Stoker's Dracula a little while back and I'm finally coming round to writing up a few of my thoughts. I thought I ought to add the date (year) of publication or the edition in my titles so that the period I'm reading from is clearer at a glance. 

I read the Kindle edition once again, which was the 1897 edition of the novel. It is a a self-named mystery novel and I began reading it during my Bachelor's degree in Liverpool but then had to abandon it due to other reading and academic commitments. I'm generally not one to opt for fantasy novels or even horror, thriller and all that is supernatural. I generally prefer novels that are about real people, and are somewhat historical or at least "realistic". However, I decided I ought to read this classic to at least see where this vampire craze and love for horror began. 

The novel is written as a compilation of journal and diary entries, with some occasional letters and telegrams. Stoker captures various voices well, by even incorporating some local dialects of the working classes. I found the characterisation generally quite well-rounded and balanced in terms of developing the more important characters more fully. The general descriptive technique was also fluid and natural, without being tedious and superficial. 

Something I feared about reading this novel was that it wasn't going to be as captivating because many of the constructs of vampires and their lifestyle and weaknesses have been so popularised. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that right from the start the novel had me pretty hooked as there was a sense of suspense and urgency throughout that kept me wanting to read on. 

This novel incorporates many core themes and concerns of its period, which we still experience in our own time. Those themes include the role of science in our life where there is strong references consistently being made to scientific observation and empirical evidence. The need and attempt to rationalise all matters and yet identifying human error as a pitfall we are given passages where Jonathan Harker, for example, identifies the importance of noting down all of his experiences as soon as possible in order to avoid memory distortion and confusion. This reliance on human reason and scientific observation is repeated in several areas throughout the novel, such as Dr Seward's regular observation of his patient Renfield. Due to our own period being even more steeped in the scientific approach to the world, we can still identify with the protagonists' dilemmas. 

Another facet of the period's concern was that of science being insufficient and the existence of supernatural forces. Stoker clearly introduces supernatural phenomena into the novel through the means of Dracula himself but what is interesting is the attempt to decipher the supernatural with scientific means. However religious ideas are always in the background, since it is a part of the history of Europe. The fact that it is a medical doctor, a man of science and impartiality, that discovers the vampire signs in his patient goes to show the extent to which responsibility and hope and truth is attributed to science. Van Helsing, the doctor in question, is also a devout man and it is in fact his religious insight that works as a form of protection. I found that religious superstition was given some space and some sort of validity when confronted with things that took on a supernatural form. However I also found that for at least the first half of the novel, Christianity had been somewhat simplified to chapels, graveyards and crucifixes. Only towards the end was there a language that sought salvation and appealed to God. As the danger increases in the novel the references to God also increase. Another issue I found was that religion and superstition were considered synonymous and this lack of distinction meant that it was still easy for the protagonists to regards various aspects as "silly", such as the evil eye. And yet, in this period of religious doubt, there is still a recognition that religious seems to serve some purpose albeit in rather extreme and complex conditions. 

This combination of the supernatural and science triggers a discussion on elements that are not wholly supernatural but are nonetheless difficult to scientifically observe and explain. By this I am making reference to the themes of human psychology, an emerging science of the period, and the practise of hypnotism or even the phenomenon of sleepwalking being associated to nocturnal living. We are forced to wonder as to what the nature of sanity and insanity are and what is the nature of the dividing line between the two, as well as between waking and sleeping states or even life and death. Also the period's fascination with the notion of spirits is an especially obvious reference in the novel, as well as life after death and what the nature of death is. Considering the loss of faith in the West at this time, there was an intense desire to seek an explanation on a range of matters relating to the above matters. And this led to the birth of many spiritist and occult schools*. In this sense it is truly a novel of the modern era where there is an active discussion on what is credible and ought to believed and what is the nature of faith and its role for humans. 

In terms of gender roles, the novel presents us with a rather simplified dichotomy of male heroes and female damsels in distress. We have a wise old man that guides the way and any contributions made by Mina to resolve the mystery is attributed to masculinity as if she were acting out of the norm. Her saving grace is that she does not lose her feminine touches of care, affection and fragility as well as an accepting, self-sacrificing nature. The male characters are also rather 'typical' in that they are wealthy, gentlemanly, diplomatic, brave and protective over their womenfolk. I thought it rather a shame that any intelligence and sense of initiative in a female character was considered such a rarity but otherwise Stoker constructs a story that gives a solid motivation to the heroic men to act in the chivalrous manner expected of them. However, I found it rather interesting how there was quite some bribery involved in resolving the case but it was only ever called out as bribery or baksheesh when the characters were off the shores of Britain. When in Britain, the act of bribery was still present yet not considered negative. This made me think of the hypocrisy and double-standards of the 'civilised' nation in relation to other nations, especially the colonial states. 

Overall, I found Dracula to be a highly captivating novel with plenty of suspense as well as an elegant literary style. It is a novel rich in themes of the period, which extend to the present day and thus are still relevant and engaging to contemporary readers. The fact that many of the issues explored in the novel haven't been resolved in the modern outlook means that Stoker provided an excellent foundation for the various scruples and theories people have on to offer to be explored in a literary genre that goes a little beyond the ordinary. 


* I would recommend reading René Guénon's The Spiritist Fallacy for more information concerning the emergence and nature of these schools. 

Zlata's Diary (1995)

I finished reading Zlata's Diary this evening. I read another Kindle edition published in 1995 by Penguin amongst their Puffin Books collection with an introduction by Krishnan Guru-Murthy and translated by Christina Pribichevich.

I must say that I was told to read this book as well as Anne Frank's Diary by a teacher when I was still in primary school, though I never did. From the little that my teacher told us I became quite fascinated by the idea of writing a diary at a young age and even becoming "famous" for it. I remember being inspired by their approach of naming their diaries and so when I was a little girl I not only started writing my own personal diary, with which I had no intention of becoming famous, but I also decided to name it like they did. That diary didn't last but I thought it about time to pick up (or download) Zlata's Diary to at least get an idea, however minute, of the Bosnian war. It's a war that we don't speak enough about and yet it was far more recent than the Second World War and still in a neighbouring European country.

I began reading the book just yesterday evening and finished it this evening. It's a fairly quick read because the entries are short and written in fairly simple language. We are quickly made aware that Zlata is an intelligent young girl from a well-off family. Her family is small, as she has no siblings, and appears to be quite secularised. There is hardly any mention of religion apart from major holidays such as Christmas and Bairam (also known as Eid). There are many references to popular culture, which mark the recency of the events but also her general lifestyle and interests.

The diary entries are largely descriptive, as they note key events and happenings in Zlata's life as well as comments on her feelings towards these events. Naturally she makes consistent comparisons between life before the war and during it. Changes such as animals being abandoned and trees in the parks being cut down for firewood are only some small examples of the extent of the desperation in the city.

While the girl is unaware of the political intricacies and reasonings she eventually learns to be quite cynical in regards to political peace agreements and gestures. She learns that reasons for the war lie in the differences between the Serbs, Croats and Muslims, a difference she had never experienced amongst her own community and her mixed group of friends.

What I found significant was that she not only compares the war outside her home to the scenes of films about the Second World War but she was also likened to Anne Frank, which worried her as she did not want to share the same fate. Despite these striking similarities and the act of genocide that took place in Bosnia, we, for some reason, do not remind ourselves of or teach others about the atrocities in this War in the same way as we recall the Holocaust.

The two core things that appear to have helped Zlata, her family and neighbours were humanitarian aid that provided food and water and other supplies as well as the media attention that she was able to receive due to her diary on the war. She was able to develop relationships, spread awareness about the war and eventually find a way to escape the torments of the war zone.

The difficulties of war on civilians is unfortunately something we still know of today and Zlata describes the desire to escape while also recognising that refugee life is not always an easy option either. Even in the not-so-distant past we see that refugees were being rejected and sent back. How history repeats itself! While I found the story touching and valuable, I feel that clearly there is still a warmongering attitude in the world that allows such atrocities to repeat themselves at the expense of millions of innocent lives and the destruction of the environment. And with this in mind, I wonder if the book teaches us anything at all or if this has become a genre of literature designed partly for entertainment and partly to appeal to our desensitised selves to the sufferings of people who could be us.

A Passage to India (1924)

After having completed my exams and assignments for this semester I've been able to turn to some personal reading. I have the intention to explore post-colonial and perhaps even late-colonial writings in the following semester because it's an area that is personally relevant to me and interesting in terms of contributing to my own background experiences as well as historically pertinent. It's also an area that I didn't really get the opportunity to explore in much depth during my BA in Liverpool.

I came across the novel A Passage to India by Edward Morgan Forster on my Kindle and downloaded it out of curiosity. The novel was published in 1924 and is based on Forster's experiences in India. The "About" section of the book notes that the title was borrowed from Walt Whitman's 1870 poem "Leaves of Grass". As per usual I'll avoid any blatant spoilers in case someone does want to go ahead and read the novel for him or herself.

This has to be the first book I've read by an Englishman that criticises the British experience in India and the behaviour of the British during the period of colonisation itself. No doubt this novel comes very near the end of colonisation and just some years before Independence is acquired by India, and Pakistan is formed. I was somewhat skeptical about the novel prior to reading it because I doubted the ability of an Englishman to genuinely capture India, and especially Indians, from his limited standpoint of "whiteness", wealth and authority.

Forster makes a clear attempt to get a variety of characters in his short novel to illustrate that not everyone is the same. However he definitely underlines some general trends, such as the fact that the majority of the Britons were condescending towards "Natives", the Indians. I, personally, was not too impressed with Aziz, a Muslim protagonist, being depicted as someone who, despite his certainty concerning the Unity of God, was doubtful of many parts of his faith, like many Christians of the time. I feel that this is a projection of the modern mindset onto an Oriental to try to bring him closer to the Western man but in an unflattering way and in a way that could have been avoided. Perhaps the fault lies in that the Western author could not conceive the Islamic worldview and thus had to create a protagonist with whom he could somewhat identify with. Nevertheless, Aziz is a fairly likeable character otherwise and the descriptions of hospitality are particularly endearing. Forster nicely illustrates the importance of hospitality in the Oriental mindset and it appears to favour the Indian over the Westerner.

The plot twist and the key event that triggers tension and suspense in the novel comes at about half-way through. It is at this point that you finally feel something interesting is taking place and the story has finally begun, now that an exciting element has been introduced. This episode added momentum to my reading at least but how it was concluded wasn't wholly satisfactory. In some ways it ended rather abruptly and I felt that it was resolved in a rather "cop out" fashion, since elaborating the matter would have been a complex literary task which would be hard to render justice to the case. It also underlines the only realistic solution that would have been possible in a situation of intense bias and prejudice.

A criticism of Forster's description of India is that while he does make a point to highlight the discrimination towards Indians and their inferior status imposed by the Britons, there is next to no mention of violence. The only violence mentioned is that between Hindus and Muslims who manage to scuffle over some minor point of conflict and where the Britons manage to calm the situations. Now one reason for this may be due to the fact that this novel comes at a time where most violence had probably already been inflicted and what remained was the residues of that fear and authority in the mind of the Oriental; he no longer needed violence to subdue him. However, the alternative is that  this was simply ignored and not addressed in the novel either for stylistic purposes or not to incriminate Britons more than what would have been socially acceptable to reveal in his context. History clearly shows us that this period and later became significant in terms of rebellion against the English and Indians may have participated in violent protest of the colonisation but that is not to ignore that this came as a reaction to the violence to which they had been subjected for many years.

Forster captures the willingness on the part of Britons and Indians alike to humanise the other but also the reasons it isn't easy or fully possible because of the centuries of betrayal and manipulation between the cultures. He somewhat criticises the White superiority but never really presents a solution to ending the conflict. What I give the author most credit for is his acceptance of the fact that he understands that he doesn't understand Orientals (Indians) but he does not quite penalise them in the same way some do. Rather, he recognises the oddities in both cultures and attempts in his own way to give them each some due respect.

Before concluding I ought to dedicate a few lines to "the Woman Question". Forster presents us with a few female characters that vary from the good, the bad and the ugly so to speak. We have brave, honest women who are caring and considerate and we have women who are consistently condescending and are ultimately simple snobs. He makes reference to the feminists of Britain and how Britain was experiencing a changed attitude towards women that had not yet come to India. What I particularly liked was his daring remark in the voice of an Indian protagonist that Indian women aren't as oppressed as they are made out to be by the Westerners. This made me chuckle as well as appreciate Forster's attempts to look beyond what certain people insist to be the only, generalised truth of India.

Overall, I felt that this novel was not necessarily a literary masterpiece but it brings up important historical and political issues. Forster admits to his limitations because his race bars him from some physical spaces and experiences in India as well as the limitations in outlook and understanding. It highlights the need to keep dialogue open and for people of privilege to use and sacrifice some comforts for truth and justice. It is a novel I'm glad I read, and may read again. The psychological impact of being colonised is a consistent theme and it is something Indians (and other colonised nations) are still suffering from to this day.

Arranged Marriage

It's been a while, I know. I've been a little busy. I've jumped on here to get some thoughts down (and out) about some issues that have been in my mind for a little while. 

I've recently felt an increased sense of frustration at the way in which the West looks down upon Eastern cultures and traditions, and yet still exoticises it in a way to make it seem that they're being respectful or curious. It's rather superficial. My current problem lies in the depiction of marriage and gender relations between the cultures. This is not my only concern but it will be the topic of this post. 

I want to begin here by clarifying some terms so that we're all on the same page. "Western" does NOT mean white. It refers to a mentality and outlook which is pro-modernity and considers the situation of the world a process of progression and development and thus considers modernity to be the current peak, until it gets better and even more modern. This is in contrast to "Eastern" which is a mentality and outlook related to staying true to tradition and realigning oneself to one's original, pure state and thus a "devolution" to a higher state. For a more detailed explanation on these terms, please refer to Réné Guénon's "The Crisis of the Modern World" or "La Crise du Monde Modèrne", in whichever language suits you. 

Another clarification I would like to make is that between a love marriage, an arranged marriage and a forced marriage. In principle we have a love marriage which is where two people meet, fall in love and decide to get married. An arranged marriage is where two people are introduced by someone in their circles (parents, friends, family, community members) and upon getting to know the person each of them willingly accepts to marry the other. What is crucial here is that the man and woman both have the right and the ability to reject a proposal. Their choice is a vital part of the procedure. A forced marriage is where two people are introduced (or not) and are expected to marry due to external factors (social, familial, financial etc.). They have little to no choice in the matter. 

We, as humans, like to categorise things all the time and I will demonstrate how the boundaries of these marriages can sometimes be blurred. An arranged marriage, having the condition that the two people involved are willing to marry, can develop into a perfectly loving marriage and healthy relationship. The couple have the right to make inquiries and make their decision about the match and thus, if they are satisfied and work honestly to a caring relationship, there's no reason why there can't be love in this marriage. A love marriage also can take a turn if the couple, for some reason realise after the marriage that they're a poor match, it can sometimes turn into a situation where they force themselves to stay together and foster a toxic marriage. A forced marriage, being forced, can be doubted even for its validity but if we pretend that this is a valid marriage, there may be occasions where the people forced into the marriage come to a certain understanding to make the relationship work and perhaps this may lead to respect and love in this couple. Of course the reverse is always true, arranged marriages can go horribly wrong and a forced marriage are often traumatic. 

My trouble is the tone in which Westerners speak about arranged marriage. It is associated to a backward and outdated tradition. The West may no longer implement this method in its traditional form but that doesn't mean it has lost its value and place. Westerners see it as a method that no longer applies and is no longer beneficial, which is far from the truth. It goes as far as some Westerners labelling examples of forced marriages as arranged marriages. They seem to feel that arranged marriages are oppressive and thus must be forced in some way. What pains me even more is that there are people in the East who seek to please the West and show them how much they've "progressed" and so go out of their way to illustrate the weaknesses in arranged marriages (because of course like any of the above marriages, an arranged marriage can also be difficult for some) and that they are moving into more modern territory by adopting a Western approach to relationships. Ultimately this is a matter of "hanging out your dirty laundry" and exposing yourself to mockery. I find it painful to watch and, from where I am, to listen to the Western comments around me speak condescendingly about these cultures and traditions which deserve so much more respect. This is from a real experience of a trailer viewing of 'Monsoon Wedding' in a university lecture in Germany. I feel that in many ways this is because some Westernised people in the East are failing to value themselves and suffer from an inferiority complex. To prove that they're "with the times" they are willing to mock the sanctity of marriage. 

Now, arranged marriages are based on a community of trust and insight. There is a general understanding that some people in society are good references of wisdom and insight. It would be a good idea to consult these people about matters concerning big life decisions like marriage because they can guide you and help you. Often these people are considered to be among the elders in the community. However what must be made clear is that I don't believe all elders have the same level of insight and wisdom and thus there are people who are better to go to for advice and those whose advice you should be careful with. There are those who are more likely to make accurate judgements and those who will do so less well. So someone seeking advice needs to seek quality and not quantity (an age), although do not negate people's life experience entirely either; there may well be a kernel of wisdom hidden in there too. This is part of a tradition of trust; trust that the West seems to have lost. Again, the fact that the couple have the right to reject the proposal means that they have to make an informed decision for themselves and take responsibility for it. They cannot blame the parents or whomever else because the final call is theirs. 

I'm not being idealistic about the conditions in the East because I know there are conflicts present that require urgent attention. When talking about the East I am referring predominantly to the South Asian (Indian/ Pakistani/ Bangladeshi) community because I have a better understanding of these cultures and cannot speak on behalf of other cultures, although there may be overlap. There are problems in the East concerning domestic violence, forced marriages, refusing to give women the right to an informed choice, refusing to respect women's rights to act in a way that is authentic to their own sense of self and expecting women to be submissive etc. These problems also include the notions that men believe they have been chosen to implement order and dominate over women, control them and push them to what the men think the women should do, not let women think for themselves and objectify them so that they are only seen for their functional purposes of cooking, cleaning, sex and children. 

While these problems are in the East, they are not inherently Eastern. In fact they are truly against an Eastern mindset of nobility and purity. These issues gain momentum because people have lost sight of the origins and the meaning in their traditions, rituals and ultimately have forgotten the underlying values. The objectification of women and submissiveness (sometimes practical ignorance) of women is not considered noble in any of the three main faiths of the Indian subcontinent (Hinduism, Islam and Sikhism). In fact if they enter the faiths at all, they appear due to a twisted interpretation and disconnectedness otherwise people simply use the name of the faith as an excuse to justify their behaviour. The Hindu goddesses are not considered virtuous because of their functional natures but because of their character, dedication, love, compassion and bravery. The women in Sikh history are hailed as warriors and embody strength and bravery. The women in the Islamic tradition are brave, strong, intelligent and well-informed, curious, educated and pious. Regardless of the women you have in mind from whichever culture, there are so many characteristics that make them great which go far beyond superficial functional, objectified criteria. People (and I don't want this to be about men versus women because women often incite such behaviour towards other women too) allow this injustice to take place because they devalue women and dehumanise them so that they can use them for their own personal benefit or sense of superiority. 

Men, who often assume a role of superiority, do so without necessarily realising the responsibilities on their shoulders. There's nothing wrong with a man being a leader, of a country or a household, providing he's equipped for it and is qualified for the role. Often we do not feel the need to vet the men as we do women, to see if they are up to the job. Men aren't patriarchs because of muscular ability or their size or other superficial criteria. In history and in our traditions we praise men who are brave, noble, wise and fair. They are on the side of justice and truth and defend this with all their might. In history there have also been a good few evil men, the likes of Pharaoh or Ravan (if you want to consider him a symbol of negative man) or other such enemies of Truth, peace and wisdom. Hence, using force or manipulating strategy doesn't make you a stronger person in your dealings with people if you're on the wrong side of the battlefield. We need to remind ourselves to raise, nurture and expect a certain quality of man before he is given the respect and responsibilities given to those who are noble otherwise we are destroying ourselves due to our own poor standards and complacency in regards to quality in character. 

To conclude I want to underline that marriage is something that is considered sacred in many faiths and cultures because, ultimately, it is. It is sacred because of its symbolic signification of harmony of two complementary elements and it is thus a place of mutual growth and increase in goodness, where there ought to be a constant effort to maintain a spiritual balance, similar to that of the harmony one seeks in oneself. It is a form of companionship that is designed to elevate you and grant you dignity. That's not to say everyone must marry, but that we should respect the institution of marriage and not believe we are "advanced" and so must adopt promiscuous behaviour, while glorifying it.