Tears...

And when your heart trembles, it wants to cry and you're not really sure why. You cry. You try to let it all out- not really knowing what 'it' is. You don't know if you're crying with grief or with happiness. You're overwhelmed with the Majesty of God, or perhaps your heart is in pain, feeling a proximity and therefore the true extent of the severance we have inflicted upon ourselves. It hurts and you want to let it out.

A couple of teary days here in France. Started to write the above yesterday, after I'd been terribly moved... by the beauty of God and of human relations: the human heart, the strength and softness...

I was blessed to go to see a newborn and his mother and I was moved in a way that I've never been moved before. I've been to visit plenty of newborns in hospitals and at home but this time was special. I felt something completely different. I can't describe what it was because I don't know what it was. All I know is that to really express the myself all I could say was "Subhan' Allah", otherwise silenced.
Then I read a message from a friend and it, combined with my visit, brought me to tears.

May God bless, open and purify our hearts so that we can truly feel and experience the strength of human affection in all its forms.

Today, I was supposed to go into Uni to be given an exam time (individual presentations) and be told which text I will be dealing with. Thanks to the 'wonderful' French admin system, me and two others, I must add, were fortunate to find out that our exam was no longer on Friday, but this very afternoon. I had 40 mins to prepare for an exam and my book was at home- and I'd just woken up this afternoon to come in for 10 mins since I'd fallen asleep at 5.30am.

Rushed back to my flat (via a bus ride of 15 mins), ran to my flat, grabbed what I needed, ran back to see when the next bus was coming- 7 minutes- too long. It started to rain. Went to the tram stop and had to run to catch it on time- missed the connecting tram and nearly cried in the middle of the street because I was late for my exam! Worst nightmare for me- to be late- for an exam- that I didn't know about until less than an hour ago! My day was ruined. I just wanted to cry, too shocked to believe this just happened. It was too unreal to be true! Got there 15 mins late and did the whole analysis and presentation under the influence of adrenaline alone. Couldn't keep track of time and went over but my examiner was impressed nonetheless and I wished I could've talked for much longer because I had so much more I wanted to say!

Thought I would just come home and cry, too traumatised and upset to do anything else but as soon as I walked outside the exam I felt relieved, refreshed, happy and shocked that I just survived that disaster! Treated to myself to something from the local boulangerie on the way home obviously (as if I need an excuse) and will just wait until the next time my eyes well up...