We've already completed the first week (ten days even) of Ramadhan and it's flown by!
I'm quite devastated because the immense blessings really are here for a fleeting moment before we are back to the 'regular' blessings and mercies of daily life. I feel like I'm not making the most of it as I should and I want to pick things up a bit before it's too late!
The month has come by when I've just come back to my family after 6 months and hunger isn't the issue in these 18-19 hour fasts, it's patience and an awkward, very broken sleeping pattern. It's great being back with the family since we're all together for the summer holidays before we're back off again into our little worlds. We get to share some beautiful moments of laughter and create some great memories as we're all growing intellectually, spiritually and physically.
However, you also realise why you are how you are with your family sometimes. They're such a blessing and yet represent your internal struggle so clearly that often you find yourself trying to get away from it. My mind has been overcome with all the different things I've been confronted with. Of course I've got family members including my extended family, who I'm reacting to and seeing differently, while remembering to put myself into other people's shoes. Also I've got to try to manage my own time so that I'm available to help around the house, do my work and reading, spend time with my family and friends and fit in my prayers, which include moments of calm and reflection. They are all very hard to accommodate within a day and I often compromise on my own work and some moments of calm- since I'm too tired and disoriented from the chaotic, lively life of living in a family.
Since life is about achieving a balance between all domains in life, the physical world and one's spirituality, I realise that I'm facing a battle of extremes where the physical dominates to an extent where I cannot comprehend and absorb the spiritual very well. I then, to compensate, push myself to the other extreme, in an attempt to revive my spirits and often lose touch with what's going on with the world and other people, almost disconnecting myself. I need to learn how to manage the two simultaneously, just as I need to learn to spend time with my family and share in household tasks without neglecting my responsibilities towards my work commitments.
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