A Tale of Two Cities (1859)

This afternoon I realised that despite having read A Tale of Two Cities in July, I hadn't posted about it. I'll share a few of my thoughts from what I scribbled down and what I remember because it does feel like such a long time ago.

This is one of Dickens' shorter works, which is one of the reasons I chose to read it; I wanted to add another Dickens novel to my rather short "read" list and the quicker, the better. The famous introduction makes for a rather vague beginning but a chapter or two later we are taken into a more "story-like" narrative. No doubt the oppositions in the introduction are continued through into the novel which generate many themes and features in the novel, some of which I'll explain in more detail individually.

There is no shortage of twins and look-alikes in the novel, which often construct oppositions in character, create a good-versus-evil dichotomy or simply to show 'what could have been' if the circumstances of one character had been different. A few examples include Carton resembling Darnay, Madame Defarge and Miss Pross who are not identical but rather put in opposition to each other, so that Mme Defarge eventually 'meets her match' and Lucie who gives birth to 'Little Lucie', while she is already the souvenir of her own mother, having inherited her blonde hair. The latter example and that of Cruncher (Jerry), whose son is his smaller and younger duplicate, remind us how similar people continue to exist through generations- being so exposed to certain traits and then the part of inheritance, it's no surprise. We also have the two Marquis, the aristocratic twin brothers who are both evil.

While one may argue that many of Dickens' protagonists are too simplified, being only good or only evil, this isn't necessarily wholly a bad thing because he successfully uses these characters to personify extreme vices or extreme virtues and these are only overlapped sparingly in a character. There is a clear distinction of what is good and bad in a person (even if it does sometimes feel somewhat too idealistic and narrow in its scope). Dickens details how the two Marquis are vile and how the aristocracy is corrupt and shallow. Also, Mme Defarge, though not of the upper classes, is calculating and sly. These evil characters are put in direct opposition to another host of characters, such as Lucie, who is the ultimate version of a perfect woman, beautiful, delicate, well-educated, never imposing and is able to react to each situation in the most perfect fashion. Mr Lorry is someone who is perfectly helpful at all times, despite his age; he is experienced, honest and simply wants to do his job quietly and keep the peace. Dr. Manette is consistently respected and respectable, being a character of dignity, with whom the reader sympathises. Any characters with more duality eventually lean closer to either vice or virtue based on their relationship with the nobler characters.

The opposition of youth and old age does not only come through the protagonists' descendants but also through Tellson's Bank, with the London branch being deeply rooted in tradition and being especially aged, dark and closed. In Paris, however, the Bank is youthful, fresh, artistic and open (not during the riots of course). In the end these oppositions come to show us the fluidity between the two, of good and evil, youth and age, justice and injustice. Despite the constant divisions we are exposed to the risks and the difficulties in having a worldview that is too black and white, that doesn't accept nuances, individuals and details.

I personally found this novel had an interesting and captivating engagement with the French Revolution. While it is something I have studied at university and it has cropped up several times in my life in passing, it never marked me in the same way Dickens managed to get me to think about it. He brought out the human side, the small details as well as the bigger picture, the values and the struggles. It is, of course, orchestrated with characters that do sometimes take the reality out of it, but nonetheless I found myself caring and being disgusted, feeling worried, relieved and even crying in the end. There was a constant desire for a happy ending and Dickens managed to fill my heart with enough hope and anxiety to make the ending particularly touching. I'm definitely glad I read this one as it felt so relevant, was equally enjoyable.

A Letter to the Sea (and Ocean)

Dear Sea,

I apologise.
I apologise for not coming to admire you often.
I apologise for my brief glances.
I apologise for looking down and away.

Your vastness intimidates me, though it is said to be calming.
I see that you are tranquil but I also know of your destruction.

I am ashamed to sit before you with the storm raging in my heart,
afraid that our Lord may choose to cleanse me off this Earth through you.

I seek false shelter amongst walls that isolate me.
I feel I do not deserve your company for I am so ignorant, so disconnected.
You are so open, gentle and majestic.
I know nothing and am overwhelmed by your knowledge.
I am nothing and am ashamed before you, impressed by your sanctity.

Your obedience is absolute.
You are tamed.

My heart is raging, wild.
My mind is split and confused.

They say to meditate the sea is worship.

I can hardly look at you;
you are too beautiful, sublime.

You host many nations, both in your bosom and on your surface.
You witness the harmony of nature and its cycles alongside the injustices and violence of men.
You are ever so patient, for mankind has wreaked havoc on you yet you still grant us the pleasure of witnessing so many sunrises and sunsets by your side, in peace.
You still remind us of beauty when all we offer if oppression.

Oh, why shouldn't we be ashamed?
How can I bring myself to touch you at your shores?
Am I not mocking your sanctity for mere minutes of play?
How can I watch such child's play when I need to tame my own storms and the violence in my heart?
How can I come to you in my current state, as filthy as I am?

Instead, I lock myself at home to think.
I stay amongst solid, city walls, walls of delusion, forgetting that perhaps the wisdom in gazing at you is to teach me how you are and how I ought to be.

How your gentle waves change the world silently and your storms and strength protect and defend valiantly.
How you never stop moving and how, perhaps, we don't move enough.
We don't consistently work towards our dreams.
We lose hope, we despair, we get distracted and we procrastinate.
You, you gracefully continue fulfilling your purpose all day and all night.
You teach us to press on.

You teach us to trust,
for if you can exist in harmony despite your immense scale the diverse nations you accommodate,
so can we.
If only we trust as you trust.

You teach us to not be afraid.
To not be afraid to show our passion and inner fire,
but to be graceful nonetheless-
to never be repulsive and repugnant.

You teach us to stay pure,
by cleansing ourselves of the filth we are burdened with regularly-
to be pure enough to be of those who sanctify our path and not tarnish it.

Perhaps when I am more like you I will come and sit by your side. But until then, I will gaze at photos and videos, building up the character and courage you deserve in a companion, and keep remembering you amongst these city walls.

With love,

your small-town admirer

Salt & Nejma (2013/ 2014)

I discovered a poet through Instagram, Nayyirah Waheed. I saw one of her sale promotions a few weeks or so ago and immediately downloaded both works onto my Kindle to read as soon as I'd finished Moby Dick. My literature of preference is generally novels and novellas and I often feel daunted by poetry and require a lot more meditation and mental and spiritual preparation before I can start reading it. Spoken word poetry has its own charm and impact but honestly I prefer reading words on a page in seclusion to connect more with the words. Waheed has published two works, nejma and salt. I'm just going to share a few thoughts on both works since a full analysis would be extremely long and turn into a dissertation of some sort.

I began by reading nejma, the shorter of the two collections. Initially the style confused me and it took me a few pages to "get into it" and start understanding what was being said. I read it through slowly and pausing occasionally after which I felt like I had gone on a short journey with Waheed and  some of my own personal experiences. I then went on to read salt, which was easier and was definitely clearer though the style was similar but I had gotten used to it. The style is intentionally broken as explained in salt, 'my english is broken./ on purpose./ you/ have to try harder to understand/ me.'. Once I'd finished salt, I decided to re-read nejma especially the beginning, to grasp it better.

Both collections are filled with pain and remorse but explore hope and pride in ethnic origins. A major subject, no doubt, is race and experiences of people of colour in Western "white" societies and living under white power. Waheed shares personal stories as well as more generalised experiences from extremes, those who consider black a taboo and inferior to those that exoticise and fetishise  ethnicity so as to also undermine its richness.

Waheed uses salt to combine tears and metaphors of the ocean and sea, but of course another connotation is that of salt on a wound, the wound of colonisation, the wounds of inferiority and neglect. The sensation of being in pain is transmitted well through the broken/ abrupt style but the metaphors and anecdotes also impart this pain. Waheed breaks up the pain with elements of healing, giving hope, confidence, guidance in the journey of emancipation knowing that even the process of healing may well be painful but is vital for growth. I personally felt a sensation of wood burning or a form of heat while reading about many of the range of difficulties highlighted.

An issue I've hardly come across before was that of the disconnection from Africa for African Americans in particular, but in some ways in many of second or third generation immigrants. She describes the shame in looking back to Africa and shame of not knowing it well enough, not feeling like you can call it home. This rang true for me because, while I'm not an African American, despite knowing that my family history in Africa and India is in my blood, my skin and my culture, I know that I'll feel no more than a tourist in all of these places.

Another personally pertinent issue was that of 'brown babies' being taught predominantly about Caucasian heroes and writers but not really being able to relate and also feeling that Black people's work is not equal to that of White counterparts and only given small doses of it. This is true in not only the American system but also the British system, having studied English Literature up to degree level. I wouldn't want to undermine all literature produced by Caucasian writers because there is definitely a lot to learn from many of the works but English literature from people of colour is few and far between. And when it is present it is analysed like a key into a new world, which in some ways it is, but sometimes one would think there's a sort of "what have these newly civilised people have to say?' intrigue. For centuries many writers  have travelled to the East or come into contact with Eastern cultures through literature, people, trade etc. and have found inspiration and even whole stories from these cultures but hardly or never give much credit to them, since the Western version must be superior and the only one worth talking about. Having said that, the works of oppressed people of any race ought to be valued because they'll always show you a truth the privileged can never describe.

nejma, meaning star in Arabic but also a girl's name, is the 'daughter' Waheed gives birth to and thus raises through her poetry. Through this collection we learn about difficult childhoods and ways to overcome them or even avoid them, learning to be confident and independent. She also uses this collection to speak about history, for example Mandela and his contributions, the symbol he is and was and his legacy, since any well-rounded education will teach you about where you come from and inspire you to be a better person.

Since I can't speak about all of the themes raised in the collections, I'll give you a list of a few so you can see if it peaks your interest. Waheed discusses issues relating to single-parent childhood, womanhood, belief, independence and self expression, colonisation (theft of resources and people) and decolonisation, growing up being self conscious, love, trust, writing poetry, identity, beauty, kindness, abuse, media portrayal, sincerity, finding and feeling at home.

Waheed encourages people of colour to love themselves through her work but there is a lot of pain and resentment in these collections, referring to all that we need to deal with in our personal and social psychologies. Waheed uses metaphors of nature generously but carefully to bring you back to universal origins and goodness, bringing you back to the earth from which we come. I'm glad I could share some of these moments with Waheed's words, knowing that they are a profound part of her.

Moby Dick: or the White Whale (1851)

I finally finished reading Moby Dick: or, the White Whale. I have to say it was difficult for me to read and I literally got to the end by reading one percent at a time. However, I do not regret having read it. I believe part of the reason why I found it difficult to read was because the style of the genre was not quite what I was expecting- as I thought it was going to be a fictional novel just telling a story about a whale- and because the technical sailing descriptions sort of wore on me quite easily. I'll just get right into my brief review and personal thoughts; bear in mind that before I read the novel all I knew was that it was a famous classic about a whale called Moby Dick- no more.

One of the main thematic elements that struck me in the novel was colonialism. Now it's a rather broad subject and there were of course many themes branching off of it such as racism, white superiority, living in diversity and the like. I found that despite the date of the novel's publication it sounded so contemporary when the narrator, Ishmael, spoke about different cultures, peoples, nations ranging from the Dutch, French and English to the Turks and their pilgrimages to Mecca, the Japanese and of course some African tribes. He seemed to be well informed about different cultural and religious practises, such as a small detail like the Muslim call to prayer. I find this significant because of the date and because how many present-day people in the West still seem to feign ignorance about these cultures and how living amongst them is still a new experience and learning process, when in fact history and literature shows us that it's been a good few hundred years or more that we've been exposed to each other and already know a lot about each other if we only just learned to value that knowledge. Moby Dick does indicate an idea of friendship between races but the novel does give a sense that the white race still maintains superiority.

What I wasn't expecting from the novel was a research-based and academic style in describing whales as a species. Without a doubt it was a valuable part of the book in which there is much to learn but it does deviate from a "story-telling style" and attempts to be quite factual. Ishmael, describes the history of whaling, different species of whales, the anatomy of sperm whales including the head/ skull, its inner mouth, the eyes, the "water" spout, the tail, and the skeleton especially the ribs and the vertebrae. We also learn much about the purpose of whaling: seeking the precious sperm oil, and an even rarer treasure, ambergris, as well as how whale herds travel and their groupings.  

The novel describes how a whale ship is run and explores the different tasks and responsibilities as well as the charm and courage of being part of such a team. The reader is allowed a sneak peak into moments of danger and toil without risking as much as the sailors do as well as being able to compare whaling ships to merchant ships. It also describes the nature of hunting and the technical, strategic and national developments. While the novel briefly discusses the question of sustainability of this industry and the extinction of whales, it doesn't necessarily discuss the justice of such an industry existing in the first place.

The legend and mystery of Moby Dick is of course what drives the plot and I felt that there was more suspense than actual "contact" with the whale himself. And while I can imagine it would have been difficult to get to know the whale in any more detail without turning him into a caricature, I still read the book longing to read more about him. The plot of Captain Ahab seeking his revenge with Moby Dick was, for me, the stubbornness of human pride and ego facing a power greater than it and not being able to let it go in humility but instead seeking one's own destruction as well as being blinded enough to sacrifice others in the passion. In this case it was the human not being able to dominate over one animal in a species which it feels it has the right to hunt and thus should be subjugated to him. For me, Moby Dick represents the power that humans will never be able to dominate over in any field and it is a reminder to recognise one's place before losing everything in greed and pride, as the frequent Biblical references indicate.

Overall I felt Moby Dick raises important issues related to hunting and our human responsibility towards nature and animals as well as our treatment of fellow human beings. It delves into the necessary mental and physical stamina needed for sea voyages and some of the many risks sailors face, from madness to loss of life. A must read for anyone who loves whales, sea creatures, wants to know more about the history of whaling or even read about early multicultural living.

Momentum

I have some good news and some bad news. I always like to start with the bad news so that I can end on a more positive note, and it may help me solve anything from the bad news (if anything is needed to be solved anyway).

The bad news is that I didn't last with the dairy-free challenge. I experienced a glitch just before marking two weeks when I went out with a friend for tea and treats. She felt like having a crepe and I ordered one with her, and it was only when the crepes were already being made that I remembered that they have milk in them. I ate it anyway but it was a shame because I'd literally just eaten my lactose-free apple tart and felt all guilt-free. After coming home and confessing the "crime" to my husband, I continued sincerely on with my journey of being dairy-free for another day or so. But we held our housewarming party on Thursday and we ordered pizzas. Now I do love pizza but I thought I would just eat some of the other foods on the menu. In the end, we had far too much food, even after giving lots of it away, and so I had to take a few days off to be able to eat some of the food before it went off. Of course some of it we've frozen and I'm still getting through some of the muffins (which also have milk in them). I noticed that towards the end of my two week mark, I had a lot less phlegm and it was mainly clear. As soon as I've started consuming dairy again, the phlegm has come back and is quite thick and is definitely not clear at all. I'm hoping to recommence the dairy-free life soon.

Now time for the good news! I have started German classes (finally)!! I have class thrice a week in the mornings for three hours. I actually like it because it's stimulating my mind and I get to speak to more people. Other than that, it gets me out of bed in the morning, which is rather painful but for my own good. Also, while organising and preparing our housewarming party, I had a few early starts and late nights and had lots of errands to run at the same time. I realised how much I was capable of doing in a day and with my time in general- since I've been a bit of a sloth recently- and it kept me active and has helped my neck get better. This has meant that I have a new sense of motivation and desire to do things. I know it sounds silly but it's quite easy to watch people all around you do lots of things and then neglect yourself and fall into bad habits and just being absent from active life. It can also be quite depressing because you look at yourself and haven't got much to say when people ask "so what are you doing?" because grocery shopping and making dinner don't quite cut it. Anyway, I have dinner yet to make and some reading pending (yes, Moby Dick) as well as some drawing so let's see how much I can do today!

Would you like milk with that?

It's been a week that I've been dairy free. My reason for going dairy free is because I had an annoying amount of phlegm (sorry for being so precise) and I felt I ought to detox my body because often dairy is the culprit. I also find that when I fast for the whole month of Ramadan it often goes away, since that's also a detox, but I thought I would go half way.

Also, I can't deny that I've been somewhat influenced by some of the vegans I'm following on Instagram. I respect and understand why vegans have chosen such a lifestyle and I am myself quite a veggie-friendly person anyway but I have to say that I do love milk, cream, butter and cheese- basically fatty foods. Giving up meat wouldn't really be very difficult for me, but dairy would probably be the main challenge for me. 

Anywho, as mentioned above, I do love dairy- and we've switched to organic milk now but detoxing is my motive here. One week in (for my intended month) and I do have to say that yesterday I still had some phlegm. But I feel like my tongue is pinker, which I take as a good sign. I have been feeling a little more fatigued during the day and so I have taken my iron tablets to boost me- since now I should have good absorption levels without any dairy consumption. 

I bought some almond milk as a substitute, because I need some milk in my tea and I was wary of how soya milk is processed. I bought both sweetened and unsweetened and have only yet opened the unsweetened. I can say that I understand now why there is a sweetened version. It's quite different, having a slightly grainy texture and the taste takes getting used to I suppose. I used a little bit in some ginger tea, which made it look as if the milk had split but it was still ok, and two tablespoons in a cake that required milk. This morning I made myself a banana milkshake, with a ripe banana, almond milk, a bit of vanilla and 1.5 teaspoons of sugar. I have to say I am looking forward to finishing this milk and then maybe buying an organic soya milk instead- or even rice milk...

This morning I had a glass of warm water with freshly-squeezed lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and honey which was quite a shock to my tastebuds at 7am but hopefully that will also help cleanse the system. 

I hope to add more about my progress on this short journey.  

Reading progress

I really would have liked this post to be a quick review of Moby Dick, but unfortunately I haven't yet finished it. The reading has been taking me a lot longer than I could have anticipated and it's true that I haven't necessarily been reading it every day but I have now made the intention to try to. For some reason or another, I keep falling asleep after two or three pages and so I'm not progressing as quickly as I would have liked. This post is to celebrate reaching 25%! I fear that it's because it's American and I have noticed that I'm less inclined to American literature. It's strange because it's not even a boring novel, and the last two Russian novels were extremely more bleak and depressing but I was much more captivated by them. Anyway, I hope to join you soon with a few thoughts on the novel once I've reached the end, whenever that is. I have plenty more on my list and I'm almost tempted to read another book alongside this one- but that wouldn't be a good idea because I know how much I'll neglect it otherwise.